SKINNY TREATS?

So I guess my human felt bad about feeding me a sympathy banana and decided to bring home something actually worth eating. At least that's what I thought when she said she said the magic word.
Then I saw the bag.

ME: it says it's for skinny pets...
DUTCH: that's me!
ME: in skinny PINK letters?
DUTCH: must be for me!

First bananas, now this? Seriously. Not cool, human. Not cool. And I was about to tell her just how not cool she is when Dutch started bragging at me about skinny-ness.

DUTCH: oooooh - even the rice is skinny.
ME: huh?
DUTCH: and famous!
ME: give me that freaking bag.

Dutch was right. Right there on the bag: contains our famous skinny rice. But it also says helps support healthy weight and you know those are just code words for it's ok to eat a lot of them. Even if you're not the skinny one.

Woot!

Sooooo glad I found this out before telling my human how uncool she is. Especially since these turned out to be some of the most eatable treats I've ever tasted in my whole entire life. Like Top 5 best. Ever. Like so good I got in trouble for almost taking off a finger.

Yeah. That good.

The bad news is my human bought these ridiculous treats at some store called TJ Maxx. It's where she buys our poop bags (super cheap!) but it's not a dog store. And they don't always have the same stuff or an internet place to shop in. So I'm not sure if I'll ever see these treats again. Or if you'll be able to see them, ever.

But if you do see Skinny Pet treats, you should absolutely 100% totally buy them. Even if you're not skinny.

WORDY

I wasn't exactly shocked when my human cancelled tonight's Wild Game, after last week's chicken foot incident and everything. I'm still not happy about it though.

ME: but everybody is dying to know about this week's meat!
HUMAN: nobody is dying.
ME: you don't know that.
HUMAN: go ahead, ask Google.

So I asked Google and I guess nobody is actually dying to know about my meat. That we know of. Yet. But that doesn't mean I'm not going to fight for it. Y'know, just in case Google is wrong.

ME: but if we don't have meat, I won't have anything to talk about.
HUMAN: there's more to life than wild meat.
ME: you mean like bacon?
HUMAN: (silent)

After completely ignoring what I said about bacon, my human suggested we do a Wordless Wednesday. It's not the worst idea she's ever had - except half the entire internet goes wordless on Wednesdays and I suck at keeping my snout shut. So I came up with the idea of doing something *with* words instead. Something like Wordy Wednesday.

Genius, right?

That's what I thought too. 

Then I remembered all the words I see walking around our neighborhood. The ones on the ground that make my human smile for no reason. I read them sometimes when there's nothing around to pee on and I guess they are pretty cool.

I miss you too!!

Wordy Wednesday isn't half as cool as wild meat. Or bacon. Or practically any other eatable (except bananas). But it's way waaay better than having to keep your snout shut the whole entire day.

SYMPATHY BANANA?

Well, our trip to Planet Best Buy turned out to be waaaaay more boring than a trip to any planet should be. Dutch fell asleep after the first ten minutes of standing around waiting to talk to someone in a blue shirt. I fell asleep about ten minutes later. My human gave up on the whole thing sometime after that and woke us both up to go home. Droidless.

I wasn't sure if *not* getting a new Droid would help my chances of scoring sympathy cookies on the walk home, or hurt them. You'd think no new Droid = more sympathy = definitely cookies, right? Well, that's what I thought too. Until my human parked us here:

I know a lot of you probably like bananas. Maybe even love them. Not me. Because bananas are mushy and slimy and nasty and gross. Unless they're hidden in bacon and peanut butter. My human totally knows this too. But did that stop her from buying me a banana when what I really wanted was a cookie (or five)?

No. It did not.

I guess she tried to make the whole thing less gross by getting me a special "pug-sized" banana. Uhm. Yeah. Just because you call something pug-sized doesn't make it taste good. A gross banana is still a gross banana no matter how little it is.

Unlike me, Dutch is a freak and thinks bananas are the bomb. His words, not mine. He was so in love with yesterday's banana, he tried to eat it while my human was taking his picture. No joke. He took a great big bite of the thing. Icky peel, mushy banana and everything.

Even my human was a little weirded out when Dutch swallowed the nasty peely thing, but he swears the outside is the best part. I'm not sure I believe him but I guess it doesn't get much grosser than what's on the inside.

RIP DROID

You can probably tell by how un-grey my face is that today's picture is kinda old. Like 3 years ago kinda old. My human took it the last time we had to buy a phone at Planet Best Buy. I'm still practically a puppy, but I guess 3 years is completely ancient for a Droid. And that's probably why Droid didn't want to wake up yesterday. Or today. And is now totally dead.

Yeah. Dead.

I'm kinda sad about all this, but it does mean we get to take a trip to the Planet. And because Droid was so freaking old, my human gets to pick out a brand new one for free so maybe we'll even stop at the dog store on the walk home to buy some sympathy cookies with some of the money she didn't have to spend.

This is definitely a time for sympathy cookies.

Cookies or no cookies, by the time you read this we'll be on our way to meet a new Droid. Or maybe even something that starts with an i and ends in HBO words. Who knows. As long as (whatever) can take pictures of me looking supercute, it really doesn't matter. Does it?

WILL IT BLEND?

So, the chicken foot has not come up or out or me yet. My human is a little worried but I think I'm fine. So fine that I could eat another ten chicken feet. In my sleep. Easy. Especially after asking Google what it means to be a blender.

That's what my human called me. A blender.

It's why I got to eat a bigger chicken foot than Dutch even though he's three times bigger than me. It's also why I'm not worried about swallowing some stupid little foot without chewing - or anything else I can fit in my mouth whole. Because I now know what blenders can do.

Blenders eat feet, no problem:



They can also eat iphones:



Blenders can even eat that Justin kid.



But don't tell Dutch. He's a wuss, not a blender.