Thursday, April 17, 2014

ERNIE GETS A PHYSICS LESSON


Hey! Sorry I'm so late today. I've sorta been... distracted. You can probably tell from the picture that's code for our giant neighbor Ernie came to our house and wanted to play. With me. AND all my toys.

Now, if my human was telling you this story she'd say the toys Ernie wanted to play with haven't been played with in years. Maybe longer. And maybe that's true. Whatever. When a toy is yours it's yours - MINE - forever. That's just how they work.

Right?

Well, not if you're Ernie. He decided the lion I spent months unstuffing (before it ended up under the couch) was his toy too. So what if he's the one who found it under the couch today? The rule of toys says once mine, always mine. 


I had to explain this to Ernie.


Of course because he's a puppy and puppies are dumb "cute", he didn't understand that a paw to the face means THIS TOY IS MINE! So I suggested we tug it out and he got reeeeally excited. Probably thought I would lose because I'm short. 


video

Duh. Of course I'm going to win. I might be short, but I'm practically a genius and geniuses know a couch can help you out-tug a giant puppy. Sorry Ernie, there's this thing called physics.

Anyway. The cool thing about Ernie is he doesn't get mad or feel bad about stuff. He was superhappy to have a tiny piece of the lion that fell off during our tug and picked out a different toy to play with. I was cool with that.


PS: don't think this means I love Ernie or anything. He's just OK.

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

NOT MY IDEA


You might have noticed someone new in the back of Mazda yesterday. I know I definitely did. Well, in case you didn't recognize him, that's our neighbor Ernie. He's hanging out with us this week while our friend Lulu's mom - Ernie's dog walker - is on vacation.

Yeah, I know. Kinda confusing.

But all you really need to know is this: even though Ernie is freaking huge, he's still a puppy (ugh) ridiculously cute (ugh) and that makes *me* completely invisible to all humans (ugh). 

Yeah. Ugh, ugh and ugh.

To make things even worse, Ernie is reeeally nice. So I can't be mean to him - even though I kinda want to take his face off for being so cute. Do not tell ANYONE I said this, but I'm starting to understand why humans go nuts over puppies. They're kinda hard not to like. 

NOT my idea
Since hating Ernie is practically impossible, I'm trying to pretend he doesn't exist. At least until he gets a little bigger/less cute. This kinda drives him a little crazy, which is kind of a bonus. 


Besides, a spazzy puppy makes me look very well behaved. And humans totally dig that kind of thing. Right? OK, maybe not as much as they dig Ernie, but at least I get a little noticed. 

Sigh.

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

ALMOST WORDLESS: whose idea was this?


One of these is not like the others. And he is not exactly happy.

Monday, April 14, 2014

NASTY BITS

NASTY!
So, it's Monday. And I'd say happy monday if I was happy. But I'm not. Nooooo. Not happy at all. Because somebody decided to buy me a new kind of food and whoever made this new food put bits in it. Totally nasty, completely un-eatable bits. In. My. Food.

Yeah. I know.

ME: I think my new food is broken.
HUMAN: broken, how?
ME: there's all this nasty stuff in it.
HUMAN: you mean the bits of healthy fruit and vegetables?
ME: fruit and vegetables? In my food??

In case you don't know how I feel about fruits and vegetables, I like carrots and blackberries. That's it. All the rest are gross and I hate them. Like, spit them out kind of hate. My human knows this. 


She didn't even have to read the bag to know how much I'd hate this new food. I mean, you can see the all the nasty bits without opening the bag. There's even a picture of what's inside. Blech-y bananas. Evil apples. Pukey peas. And a bunch of other stuff I don't even know but obviously hate because it's a fruit or vegetable that isn't a carrot or blackberry. 

And still. She bought me this food. Ugh. 

Of course I was so starving to death this morning, it's not like I could *not* eat it. I tried spitting the nasty bits on the floor but it's kinda hard to eat and spit at the same time, so I focused on the eating and tried to forget about the bits. It wasn't easy. 

The worst part is my human probably thinks I like my nasty new food because I ate a whole entire bowl of it for breakfast. I don't know what's going to happen when I have to eat it again for dinner. 

Help?

Friday, April 11, 2014

DUTCH FRIDAY: rainbows and donkey kisses

ME AND MY INSIDES
Hello everybody! It's that day again and I'm so happy to be back. 

Not very much has happened since last time. I've been sleeping on the couch so Pug and his snoring won't get lonely. My back or legs (?) got hurt swimming last weekend but now I'm fine. Oh! And we got a fish. I'd tell you more about that, but Pug would get so mad.

See? Haven't missed much.

Right now it's icky and foggy, but that's ok because I've got sunshine inside me. Pug says he's seen pictures of my insides and there's no sun in there, but he doesn't know. Hello! Vet pictures only show guts and things. We are all so much more than our guts.

If you could take a *real* picture of me from the inside, it would look a lot like today's kissing donkeys. There'd be hearts and rainbows. High heels and kisses. A quiet explosion of love and happiness! 

Of course when I made the mistake of sharing my vision with Pug, he turned my beautiful insides into... well...

PUG:quiet explosion of love and happiness?
ME: yes.
PUG: is that code for fart? 
ME: do you always have to be so gross?
PUG: uh, you're the one talking about your insides exploding.

Sigh. I don't know why I bother sometimes, but I know you understand what I mean. And if you want to share your insides with me, it can be our little Friday secret. No gross Pug allowed! 


Rainbows + Donkey Kisses,

Dutch
xoxo


PS: I'm sorry Pug. Next time don't be so gross.