Friday, April 18, 2014

DUTCH FRIDAY: ernie edition

hi. i'm ernie. the Spotted One said you know who i am and i should tell you stuff. sorry if don't know all the best words yet. 


the Spotted One is my favorite. he lets me lick his lips but doesn't play so i just lick his lips a lot. i think he likes it. he is also a mystery. i think that's the word? what i mean is he does stuff i don't understand. like he eats grass.

Spotted is very nice and also wise. what i mean is when things don't make sense to me he helps them make sense. we have very long talks. so many things don't make sense! Spotted says this is because i am a puppy. he says i'll know everything he knows some day. 

the Faceless One is my favorite too. Faceless is not as nice or wise as Spotted but he is more fun. sometimes more fun. getting him to be fun is not so easy. i have tried lots of things to make Faceless want to play with me. maybe you have some ideas? 

here is what i've tried:

pretending i hate to play 

sharing my most favorite toy ever

letting him win at tug

showing him how to stalk poodles

none of those things make Faceless want to play with me. one time he got weird and ran around really really fast. maybe he was playing and i didn't know it? being me can be so confusing.

does this look like play to you?

ok. i think i'm done. thank you! sorry! good bye!


PS: Faceless let me hold his paw. it wasn't fun but i liked it a lot.

Thursday, April 17, 2014


Hey! Sorry I'm so late today. I've sorta been... distracted. You can probably tell from the picture that's code for our giant neighbor Ernie came to our house and wanted to play. With me. AND all my toys.

Now, if my human was telling you this story she'd say the toys Ernie wanted to play with haven't been played with in years. Maybe longer. And maybe that's true. Whatever. When a toy is yours it's yours - MINE - forever. That's just how they work.


Well, not if you're Ernie. He decided the lion I spent months unstuffing (before it ended up under the couch) was his toy too. So what if he's the one who found it under the couch today? The rule of toys says once mine, always mine. 

I had to explain this to Ernie.

Of course because he's a puppy and puppies are dumb "cute", he didn't understand that a paw to the face means THIS TOY IS MINE! So I suggested we tug it out and he got reeeeally excited. Probably thought I would lose because I'm short. 


Duh. Of course I'm going to win. I might be short, but I'm practically a genius and geniuses know a couch can help you out-tug a giant puppy. Sorry Ernie, there's this thing called physics.

Anyway. The cool thing about Ernie is he doesn't get mad or feel bad about stuff. He was superhappy to have a tiny piece of the lion that fell off during our tug and picked out a different toy to play with. I was cool with that.

PS: don't think this means I love Ernie or anything. He's just OK.

Wednesday, April 16, 2014


You might have noticed someone new in the back of Mazda yesterday. I know I definitely did. Well, in case you didn't recognize him, that's our neighbor Ernie. He's hanging out with us this week while our friend Lulu's mom - Ernie's dog walker - is on vacation.

Yeah, I know. Kinda confusing.

But all you really need to know is this: even though Ernie is freaking huge, he's still a puppy (ugh) ridiculously cute (ugh) and that makes *me* completely invisible to all humans (ugh). 

Yeah. Ugh, ugh and ugh.

To make things even worse, Ernie is reeeally nice. So I can't be mean to him - even though I kinda want to take his face off for being so cute. Do not tell ANYONE I said this, but I'm starting to understand why humans go nuts over puppies. They're kinda hard not to like. 

NOT my idea
Since hating Ernie is practically impossible, I'm trying to pretend he doesn't exist. At least until he gets a little bigger/less cute. This kinda drives him a little crazy, which is kind of a bonus. 

Besides, a spazzy puppy makes me look very well behaved. And humans totally dig that kind of thing. Right? OK, maybe not as much as they dig Ernie, but at least I get a little noticed. 


Tuesday, April 15, 2014

ALMOST WORDLESS: whose idea was this?

One of these is not like the others. And he is not exactly happy.

Monday, April 14, 2014


So, it's Monday. And I'd say happy monday if I was happy. But I'm not. Nooooo. Not happy at all. Because somebody decided to buy me a new kind of food and whoever made this new food put bits in it. Totally nasty, completely un-eatable bits. In. My. Food.

Yeah. I know.

ME: I think my new food is broken.
HUMAN: broken, how?
ME: there's all this nasty stuff in it.
HUMAN: you mean the bits of healthy fruit and vegetables?
ME: fruit and vegetables? In my food??

In case you don't know how I feel about fruits and vegetables, I like carrots and blackberries. That's it. All the rest are gross and I hate them. Like, spit them out kind of hate. My human knows this. 

She didn't even have to read the bag to know how much I'd hate this new food. I mean, you can see the all the nasty bits without opening the bag. There's even a picture of what's inside. Blech-y bananas. Evil apples. Pukey peas. And a bunch of other stuff I don't even know but obviously hate because it's a fruit or vegetable that isn't a carrot or blackberry. 

And still. She bought me this food. Ugh. 

Of course I was so starving to death this morning, it's not like I could *not* eat it. I tried spitting the nasty bits on the floor but it's kinda hard to eat and spit at the same time, so I focused on the eating and tried to forget about the bits. It wasn't easy. 

The worst part is my human probably thinks I like my nasty new food because I ate a whole entire bowl of it for breakfast. I don't know what's going to happen when I have to eat it again for dinner.