SO THIS IS ME

Not happy face.

Hey everybody! I know Dutch said I wouldn't be here but it's been too long and I couldn't stay away. So here I am. And that was me last week. Looking not-so-happy right after my human picked me up from Frank's. And if you think the look on my face doesn't exactly say I'm so happy to see you!!! you're totally right.

It's not because I wasn't happy to see my human. Or that I didn't have a totally awesome time hanging out with Frank and his blonde dude. I just think it kinda sucked that Dutch got to spend weeks on the Other Coast eating who knows what when I had to stay home and get humped by Frank.

Ok. So maybe I did a little humping too. And maybe I even liked it a little. And maybe my human did send me (and Frank) an entire package of pre-cooked goodness all the way from New Jersey:

But still. Half a pound of bacon is not enough to make me forget I was abandoned. So I put on my best you-don't-love-me-anymore face and waited for the guilt treats to start flowing. I stared. I waited. Stared some more. Waited. I even threw in an extremely pathetic Jimmy.

Nothing.

I was starting to worry maybe my human really didn't love me anymore. That's when she told me about this:

And this:

And this!

 

She also told me about all the awesomeness that happened here. How the whole flock came together to help Dutch pay for his $3089.64 new belly.

Um. Yeah. Who feels guilty now?

Me and Dutch and my human have been trying reeallly hard to come up with some extrasuperspecial awesome thing we can do to say  

THANK YOU!!!

Again (with bacon on top) for being SO FREAKING AWESOME. And everything else.

That doesn't really say everything I want it to say. Not even a tiny slice of everything. But I think you know what I mean.

Love,

Pug

HERE IS GOOD

Hellloooo! I'm back. I, Dutch, that is. Don't worry, Pug will be back soon and will probably complain about me hijacking everything. But you know what? I don't care.

Do. Not. Care.

Sorry, but I just don't. Near death experiences can be life changing. You can ask Google. Of course I still love pink and all the Justins, but I am a changed dog. It is not an easy thing to explain, but life feels a little different than it did before. I feel different. You will see....

Before Pug takes back the blog, I need to tell you some things. First: the rest of our trip. In case you missed the beginning part, we went from New Jersey to a place called Baltimore to catch a plane that could go from one ocean to the other without stopping. The whole thing was very confusing. I didn't ask questions.

Baltimore has bridges.

I didn't see anything in Baltimore but the inside of a car, La Quinta and the airport but everyone I met there was exceptionally nice. I think they wanted to make sure I left the Other Coast with a good last impression. Except for the angry cat in front of us in the security thing who tried to rip my face off, I felt nothing but love from Baltimore.

Baltimore, I love you too!

The Southwest airplane people were even nicer than Baltimore but I didn't like the plane ride so much because our human stuffed a handful of pills down my face to make me sleep through the plane ride. She said it was the vet's idea, but hello! Who wants to sleep through their last plane ride ever?

Not me.

Trying to be awake with a body full of sleepy pills isn't easy or fun or nice or good in any way. By the time we got back to our coast I was toast. Walking through that LAX place with a body full of sleepy pills was NOT fun or nice or good in any way either. Scary.

The Dreaded 405.

From LAX we went to some thing called The Dreaded 405. I heard my human say she still has nightmares about it from when she lived in Southern California so I was a more than a little worried. But it wasn't scary at all. We mostly just sat in the car and didn't move. At all. For a very long time.

The 405 was so extremely boring I decided to let the sleepy pills do their thing. I don't know how many hours later I woke up to the smell of this:

Yes, that is what you think it is. At first I thought I was dreaming. I've never been to a Drive-Thru but I know that's where Baconators come from. I'd been eating nothing but chicken and rice for weeks. Was I really about to be rewarded with a Baconator? A whole entire Baconator of my very own?

No. I was not. Inside that yummy smelling bag was a grilled chicken sandwiches (hold the mayo). My human had a bag of rice in her suitcase so I didn't even get to eat the bun. I was a little disappointed to learn you can get all sorts of things at a Drive-Thru, but please don't tell Pug. He doesn't have to know.

It took a long time to get from LAX to our house. My human didn't have enough brain left to understand the signs outside Frank's house so Pug stayed another night. I was happy to be home and have her all to myself for a little while more. We fell asleep on the couch (for a very long time) and I didn't have to share the ottoman with anybody.

Now, I must run. I have one last vet appointment with the fabulous Dr. Fong. I can't wait to show him my new belly zipper! I'll be back tomorrow with the other things I want to tell you. If Pug is nice, perhaps I'll let him say hello.

Love,

Dutch

OFF PLANE...

In car in LA.

YAAAAAAAAY!

CLEARED FOR TAKEOFF

Goodbye Eat Coast
Other ocean
Sweater weather.

Farewell cousin Sophie
My other human family
Squirrels I was not allowed to chase.

Adios stupid cone!!

Baltimore, it was really nice to meet you.
Los Angeles, here I come.


Much love,

Dutch

PS: I'll explain Baltimore + Los Angeles when we get to San Francisco.

THE COUSINS

DUTCH: I miss my regular ocean.

SOPHIE: Is it nicer than mine?

DUTCH: No, it's mostly the same.

SOPHIE: How come you miss it then?

DUTCH: I'm not sure.

SOPHIE: Oh.

DUTCH: I really like your sweater.

SOPHIE: Thanks. I really like yours too.

THE OTHER OCEAN

I finally got to see the other ocean. It looks just like our ocean back home except maybe a little bit smaller.

I think I am ready to go back to my own coast now. Scary things keep happening here, first to me and now on the TV. I'm sure it would be much better if I could enjoy some Eat Coast yummies, but I'm not allowed anything but chicken and rice. Chicken and rice are the same everywhere.

Tomorrow I go back to the hospital to get my belly zipper taken out. If the vet lady says I'm OK to fly I'll get to go home on Monday with my human. If she says I'm not OK I will stay here with cousin Sophie for awhile longer. She is nicer than Pug and even likes pink, but she is not the same.

I never thought I would miss Pug, but I do. Just a little.

Please don't tell him I said that.

HAPPIES

The cone is gone.
Happy.

The little white pills make the whole world warm and fuzzy.

Haaaaaaappy.

I can be on the couch as long as I don't jump up or down by myself.
More happy.

I used to eat two times each day but now I get to eat many many meals.
Happy happy happy!

My boy part keeps leaking and human got me pink granny panties so I don't have to lick myself so much. The pink panties made me happier. Don't tell Pug because he will laugh at me.

The strange pug isn't Pug, it's my cousin Sophie. She is nice and likes pink too.

ERRGMMM

It is hard to think with a cone on your head. And it is hard to think when the cone comes off if people keep sticking those little white pills down your face. It isn't as hard to get hugged by a blanket. And it isn't hard to sleep and sleep and sleep.

Errgmmm.

CONED (AND STONED)

I am not quite sure what has happened. I was on a plane. Off a plane. Another plane. A car. Strange house. I remember bagels. Tiny little bagels. I think Pug was there too, in the house with the tiny bagels.

Then bad things happened. Very bad things. The humans were all moving and talking so so fast.

Dutch? 

DUTCH. 

DUTCH! 

WAKE UP!!

I wanted to go to sleep forever but they wouldn't let me. Two ladies in green suits carried me away. One poked me with needles. The other cut me in two and took my insides out. My stomach is naked now and has a zipper. I am pink underneath but my spots are black everywhere. One of the suit ladies said real men can wear pink and wrapped my leg in pinkness. How did she know? 

How did she know??

I am back in the strange house again but my insides are not the same as before. Pug is here but he is strange too. I do not know if his insides are different. I would like to sleep but it hurts to lay down. When the cone is off I can sleep on my head. Sleeping on your head feels nice when your belly has a zipper.

My blanket has a plug and gives me warm hugs. I can tell it really loves me. But I love you more than all the Justins in the world. I told the blanket I am taken.

Time to sleep...

Pink hearts, yellow moons & blue diamonds,

- Dutch

VISITING HOUR

Hello? Internet? It's me, Sophie. I'm here because Pug, Dutch and somebody named Frank couldn't be. The people said I should tell you about Dutch and I said I just met him last night and it was only for a few minutes. He's very tall and is covered in spots. Seemed like a nice guy. What more can I say?

Tell everyone about our trip to the hospital today.

Oh. The hospital. We went there today to visit Dutch. He didn't seem all that happy but everyone was excited anyway. The doctor people unhooked his tubes so he could go outside in the sun to pee. Holy squirrels! He peed the biggest pee I have ever seen. His person said it was from all the fluids. I was worried he sprung a leak.

Dutch has a funny haircut now and a belly zipper just like the one I had after they took my girl parts away. Don't worry, he still has his boy parts in real life. His person cut them out of the picture because everyone knows the internet is no place for pictures of your parts.

If you ask me, Dutch is going to be fine. Today I could smell I'm going to be fine all over him. Trust me: the nose knows. We'll still visit him again tomorrow. The doctor people think he might be ready to come back to my house in a day or two. It will be awhile before he can go back home to Pug and California. 

I will leave you with a poem:

Try not to worry

or fret 

too much 

about Dutch.

Yes, he loves a boy named Justin

(and the color pink)

but don't let that fool you!

Inside he's a fighter

and mightier

than you think.

Smooches,

Sophie

PS: I think all your love today saved Dutch's person from imploding. Leaking human = bad, but OK.
Imploding human = very very bad.

MOTHER OF ALL EMERGENCIES

"There are many injuries and physical disorders that represent life-threatening emergencies. There is only one condition so drastic that it overshadows them all in terms of rapidity of consequences and effort in emergency treatment:

GDV. 

GDV is an acute life-threatening situation that occurs when the stomach expands and then rotates, cutting off blood supply to the stomach and spleen. Most dogs will go into shock soon after the first signs of GDV are seen. Death can occur within a matter of hours (or less). Immediate medical and surgical intervention is required to optimize survival. Death rate approaches 50%, even when treated(read more)."

Yeah. 

Shortly after landing on the Eat Coast, Dutch developed signs of GDV. Luckily I know what they are. The nearest emergency clinic is an hour from Cousin Sophie's. Thanks to my brother, we made it there in forty minutes. A few quick X-rays and my freakout is confirmed.

Dutch heads off to surgery...

A few VERY LONG hours later, the vet calls to let us know Dutch is still alive. His stomach and spleen were all sorts of tangled. Lots of bruising, but most of the tissue is still mostly healthy. Apparently the veins connecting his spleen to stomach are extra long and this helped. Go Dutch veins! Plenty of things can still go very wrong post-op, but so far so good. All fingers, toes, paws & thumbs crossed. Will know more in the next 24 hours. 

You will know when I know. Just don't tell Puglet. 

If you have a big dog, READ THIS NOW. Most of the symptoms of GDV are very specific if you know what to look for. GDV is always always always an emergency. 

AIRPORT #2

If you have never been on a plane you are lucky. The pilot man gave me some of his turkey jerky but even that wasn't enough to make flying fun. The security thing is very exciting though. I have never smelled so many feet!

Airport food smells almost as good as the feet. I wanted a hotdog but our human made me eat a bagel instead.

Love,

Dutch

Ps: my pictures look sideways. I dont know why my pictures are sideways.

AIRPORT

I think?

Love,

Dutch

P.S.
They have bacon here. Don't tell Pug!

I GUESS THIS MEANS GOODBYE

Last night the big black suitcase came out. Ok, so maybe it's been sitting in the hallway since we got back from the Eat Coast. But last night it got moved. And opened.

HUMAN: so that's where all my socks went!
ME: where are we going this time?
HUMAN: well, you are going to Frank's. And I am going to cousin Sophie's.
ME: what about Dutch?
HUMAN: don't worry about Dutch.

It turns out 'don't worry about Dutch' really means he gets to go to the other coast and I get to be abandoned. I don't exactly know what's going on, but I think this is the trip that was supposed to happen but didn't because my human's pancreas freaked out. I'm also pretty sure it has something to do with the Other 999 because everything does.

I don't know if Frank's dude will let me use his thumbs so you might get stuck with Dutch until next week. But it's ok. Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. Sort of home. Sort of alone. And probably getting humped by Frank while Dutch is eating whoopie pies or something. But I'll live. I guess.

Sigh.

Goodbye.

:(

HOW IS IT NOT MONDAY?

We (and by we I mean the one with the thumbs) kinda has the days all screwed up. So we thought we were here on Friday and today was Monday. But blogger says today is really Sunday and we was totally wrong.

I'm pretty sure I should believe blogger. And since nobody is ever here on Sunday we will see you tomorrow. Or Monday. Whichever comes first.

BEWARE!

Puglet does not always tell the whole truth

eating Peeps

means LOTS of poops.

NOT FUN!

Love,

Dutch

JUST A PEEP

WALGREENS DUDE: do you want some peeps?
MY HUMAN: no thanks
WALGREENS DUDE: they're free! We kinda need to get rid of them.
MY HUMAN: so gross.

Stupid human. You never say no to free stuff. Especially free eatable stuff. So I Jimmied and gave the dude my best yes yes yes look.

I think the little guy wants some, he said.

Little guy? Just because I'm not as big as Dutch doesn't mean I'm little. Whatever. The dude turned no into a yes and scored me some peeps. I guess he can call me names.  

I don't know if every Walgreens gives out free peeps. But if you can talk your human into giving you some, they're kinda fun to eat.

NOT DEAD YET

So... I don't know exactly what's been going on around here. I know my human went from being not-so-great to really really not good at all. There's been a lot of lying down and I think the L-word came up again (uhm, that's Lupus). Everything in our house with an on button has been off since last time I was here.

Oh. And the TWO POUNDS of bacon Frank gave me is trapped in the freezer because the only one around here with thumbs is too (whatever) to cook. Even with Chef Annie's supereasy bacon instructions.

Yeah.

And that's pretty much it. Not that great. Or even good. But my human is finally ok enough to do stuff again so of course I put LET PUG USE FREAKING THUMBS at the top of her to do list. Ok, maybe I ate the to do list and my human's brain is too gimpy to remember anything that was on it. Doesn't matter. Yesterday The DP turned four and I think you'll all agree that life was sooooo much better back when I was daily.

So. We're going back to daily. Like in the morning. Just like it used to be. I probably won't have much to say and maybe I'll have to take pictures of my own toes or something until life gets back to normal around here -- but I know being back will be a good thing.

See you tomorrow.


PS: thank Miley's mom for making the comments happen when all our on buttons were off.