I found the forbidden porky-thing lying in the grass at a place called Dolores Park. It's like two blocks from our house, but we hardly ever go there because of what happened today when we did.
My human was busy picking up Dutch poop when I found the porky-things. I tried to eat one before she could catch me, but it was hard to chew and I totally got caught. When my human yelled at me to drop the porky-thing, I did what any normal dog would do and ran away with it as fast as I could.
By the time my human caught me, the porky-thing was in my belly. I tried to pretend like nothing happened, like I just wanted to go for a run. But my human saw other porky-things lying in the grass. She knew.
I was totally busted.
And that's when the yelling started. And when I say yelling, I mean yelling. HBO words and everything. First she yelled at me. Then she yelled at the dude who threw the porky-things in the grass. Then she just yelled at the air. Dutch is the only one who didn't get yelled at, but that's just because he pretends to be perfect.
My human really isn't much of a yeller. Sometimes she talks loud at us when we pretend not to hear her, or at stupid people who don't know how to drive. But the rest of the time she's about as loud as a plant. So I knew if she was yelling, something must be wrong. Very wrong. And it kinda freaked me out.
Uhm. Well. I guess the porky-thing I ate was a spare rib and a spare rib is a bone. A big bone about the size of a sharpie marker. I don't remember if I chewed it or not, but I definitely ate the whole thing. And I guess this could be a problem. Y'know, for my belly. Just like the woodchips and rock and other stuff.
I feel OK so far, but I could probably use some preventative juju to scare the porky-thing out of me :(
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TODAY IS TRIPLE SPECIAL!
Happy Whelp to Brigitte and to Liberty in Villa Grove, IL! Milton (Spokane, WA) had his special day on Saturday - so be sure to eat an extra snack (or four) for him.