Wednesday, November 3, 2010

I'M GOING TO HELL


OK. I know I should probably write about the Giants winning the world or whatever, but there's something important I reeeally need to talk about. And I know I'm not supposed to talk about sex, religion or politics but since I broke the rules yesterday, I might was well keep going.

So here goes. My human says I'm going to Hell.
And Google says it's not a very nice place, so I need to know how to get out of going there. I'm hoping someone here can help me. Here's what happened...

I was out with my human and Nikon when we stopped so I could supermodel in front of some painted walls. A lot of other people were taking pictures of the walls, so I supermodeled for them too.

So far, so good.

A bunch of people from Germany wanted to know about me, so my human was kinda busy answering questions and I guess I got kinda bored. I saw a man sitting on the sidewalk and he looked kinda lonely sitting on the ground all by himself, so I walked over and invited myself onto his lap. He seemed happy to have some company and pet me on the spot that makes one of my back legs go crazy.


That's when I smelled the Nugget.

And then I saw the Nugget. A great big giant Nugget, smushed between two pieces of bread. Just sitting there. On the sidewalk. Kinda sorta next to the man, but not really.
Kinda wrapped in paper, but not really. It smelled sooooooo good.

So I ate it.

At least I tried to eat it. Because my human swooped in and tried to wrestle the Nugget from my mouth. I held on. Sidewalk Man tried to defend me.

SIDEWALK MAN: oh, it's just chicken. It won't hurt him any.
MY HUMAN: yeah, I just don't know how long it's been sitting there.
SIDEWALK MAN: not very long. I just bought it a few hours ago.

Uhm. I should probably mention that Sidewalk Man was sitting on the sidewalk because he is homeless. And the stray Nugget on the sidewalk belonged to him. Oh. And my human says I also have to mention that she didn't have her wallet with her. J
ust some change in her jacket pocket.

So, my human gave Sidewalk Man the 77 cents from her pocket, said I'm SO sorry a whole bunch of times and dragged me home to get her wallet.
By the time we got back, Sidewalk Man was gone. Which is when my human told me I'm going to Hell.

Straight to Hell
, she said.

F
or eating a homeless man's Nugget. The stuff Google told me about Hell and how to stay out of it didn't really make sense. Does anyone here have any ideas??

PS: that sidewalk thing I talked about yesterday? It passed. It's now illegal to sit or lie on the sidewalk in San Francisco.

37 comments:

Thinker said...

Oh Puglet, that is so tragic, considering the homeless nugget man sat and probably lied on the sidewalk. I wish your human had been able to give him some money--I know I would have tried to give him $40 bucks or something. Um, as far as the Hell thing, well, in this case I kinda think your human was in the right to say that, although you're just a pug with a big heart and you saw a Nugget! of all things. So glorious and delicious. So it's kinda not your fault. But still.. Two tragedies in one day! How sad : ( Maybe the end *is* near

Noodle said...

It passed?! Obviously, there weren't enough dogs at the polls....

As for the going to Hell thing, my human says that's impossible. She said that dogs are Pure Love and that they must all go to the most amazing place when they go to sleep. Besides, you do so much GOOD--Green Pug, Blue Pug, Flat Puglet, Get-Out-the-Vote Pug.... You brought joy to that sidewalk man, even if you ate his nugget. I think the good always outweighs the bad or at least the compulsive-need-to-eat-the-nugget!!

Thinker said...

PS

On the other hand, it was awfully kind of you to visit the Sidewalk Man and spend some time in his lap. I bet that made his day... : )

Edward the pug said...

I agree with Noodle. My human also says that dogs can't go to hell because they are all love and cuddle and there is none of that going on in Hell. So, don't tell your human...but she is wrong on this one! :) Maybe you can make it up to her by buying the man a new nugget next time you see him.....

Happy Wednesday puglet!

Anonymous said...

Puglet, If there is hell it is on earth. Anyway, you are a bit of heaven!

Bellatrix- I'm a pug! said...

Hey Pug, see this is how I look at it...we are always in hell because our bellies are never full. They always demand more, and we spend all day trying to fill them up. It's torture on earth I tell you! I know you have a good heart, so no hell for you. I bet your mom even gave you less at dinner, so it evens out.
You give good lap, the kisses are amazing and you gave them all to him. His price for all that love? The sandwich. I'd say he got the better deal.

Noodles said...

Oh dear Puglet,
You worry about the strangest things. You acted innocently and without malice - therefore, according to Mommy #2's college ethics professor, you cannot be condemned for your actions. That and the fact that you are a dog (not considered a sentient being) and therefore automatically excluded from H-E-DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS!
Love Noodles

THE PUGLET said...

Phew. I'm feeling sooo much better about the Nugget Incident now.

Even though I'm not sentient or whatever and can't go to H-E-DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS, is there anything I can do - y'know, just to make sure I don't end up there by mistake?

I'd confess to the police, people on TV go to jail for doing bad things and I definitely don't want to go there either.

Ideas?

Molly in PA said...

Hiya Puglet,

I'm pretty convinced that your Human was embarrassed/sad that you ate the forbidden nugget and then when she returned to try to give him dinner money she felt lots of guilt. All of those things probably made her say the 'H' word without thinking fully -- Pugs who love love don't end up in Hell. And they don't chill with random sidewalk sitters and make their day.

I've heard people talking about some Thanksforgiving holiday coming up, maybe you could do something nice with a charity to raise food/funds for them? They could buy *tons* of nuggets. Or raise money and buy like a million pizzas and drop them where the (non)sitters are hanging out now.

Either way, I think you're safe. And a huge "BOO" from my Human re: Prop L!!

Lotsa licks,
Molly in PA

THE PUGLET said...

Ooooh - like community service? To benefit the Sidewalk People who don't even have sidewalks to sit on anymore? Cool!

Uhm. But how? I wonder if there's something my human could do with me & Nikon, since that's kinda how I ended up eating the stray Nugget.

Pugs2Luv said...

We don't think that it's possible for a pug to go to hell; that would bring heaven to hell. That would defeat the whole purpose of hell. Plus one unintentional act wouldn't qualify you for a trip to hades. Plus there is forgiveness & it seems your new friend has already done that. You can ask google about more about that. If you want to somehow make up for what happened, we ask our human for ideas. She works at the local food pantry and they do a lot of work with homeless humans. These are the ideas that we came up with: make sandwiches or bag lunches & give them to a shelter or pantry that hands them out, start a food drive-you could even make into some kind of pug event or at Pugsunday get pugs to bring canned food. It's also getting close to the cold season & many homeless will need jackets & blankets. Since we pugs are all about warmth & comfort, you can collect blankets/jackets & as a pug you can inspect them so that they meet the pug standard. Those are the pug-friendly ideas we came up with. If you need more or better ideas let us know.
Zoey & Phoebe

Molly in PA said...

Hmmmm,

Since the Howlidays are coming up, maybe your human could put together a collage of all of your modeling, make a nice Christmas Card and distribute them with like a $5 Nugget Gift Card in them? Perhaps there are local food vendors (like chain nugget places) that would be willing to donate some free food certificates to put in the Christmas cards?

That way you give the sidewalk people a smile and a full nugget belly!

Hope this helps :)

Molly in PA

PS: My human would totally donate for a charitable cause such as this - maybe you could do a Puglet Howliday Charity?

Elisa said...

Hi Puglet,

Don't worry! You were just trying to be friends. Everything happens for a reason and you've learned that sometimes nice people are homeless--just like dogs that need recycling. The good news is that you let people know about that dumb anti-people-on-the-sidewalk law. Maybe now your friends will be inspired to help homeless people and not be mean to them by shooing them away.

Maybe you and your human can make some sandwiches and hand them out to homeless people next time you go to the beach? Or your human can take some pictures of homeless people? That might remind others that we're all in this together. Just a thought. :)

Pugs2Luv said...

Maybe your human could have some special discount or offer with a monetary donation of a bag of food or something like that.
Z&P

Anonymous said...

Hey Puglet! You won't be alone in hell, there will be lots of other pugs there too.

Anonymous said...

Hi Puglet,
We think you snapping up the *nugget* may not have been the smartest thing to do, but it certainly won't send you to H-E-Double Hockey Sticks.
Our mom and dad spent some time in California and my dad felt sorry for the sidewalk people, ya know the folks that really do have homes on the sidewalk.
One day dad gave a homeless man 10 bucks and told him to get himself something to eat. The guy took the money and went into a liquor store. Mom just rolled her eyes.
Ah well at least dad had the right idea.

Puglet, dogs never ever go to hell, they cross the Rainbow Bridge and wait for their humans to join them. That's what mom says when she talks to us about Chestnut the dog that's waiting for her and dad.
Good dogs go to the best places...
Ellie, Emmitt and Eli the good pugs in San Antonio

pudgypughug said...

Wow Puglet... I hope you don't go to H-E-L-L! I googled it too and it sounds scary. Since we pugs don't do well in the heat (which apparently makes up H-E-L-L) I would say that you need to do some good karma to even out the eating of the nugget. My human says karma is something that you can fix... I like the idea Molly from PA had of helping some homeless over the Thanksgiving time. My human also said that community service is what criminals do. So if you are a criminal for eating the nugget (which I would have done in your paws as well) then I think community service would make everything okay. Good luck man!

Sabrina said...

Oh Puglet your post made me laugh and feel a little sad at the same time. I think Molly's idea is great, and I think the sandwich idea is good too. Lots of places say if you confess your wrong-doings (which you have) and try to make up for them, that will stop you from going to hell (I think...in my religion you don't go to hell--you just get re-incarnated as a worm or something). Anyway, until/instead of a larger plan, maybe you could donate some cookie money to a soup kitchen or a people shelter?

Prop L sucks. I'm sure most of those people would rather not lie down on the sidewalk. Hopefully rather than just pass the law, they will also try to ensure there is enough space and safety at the people shelters.

Minnie and Mack said...

Puglet, haven't you heard: All Dogs go to Heaven!

Minnie and Mack

Molly in PA said...

Me again.

My human just found this cool art auction ( http://cohartauction.tumblr.com/about ) which helps to support Coalition on Homelessness: SF.

Maybe you and Nikon could put together an art piece and donate it for auction?

Phew, too much work for a Pug this morning - I'm ready for a nap!

Lucy said...

Don't worry about h e double hockey sticks, just worry about b a double hockey sticks!

Anonymous said...

Puglet,

Hell isn't for dogs or pugs! No Worries!

The Mama Monster said...

Awwww you just thought the nugget was for you... It's okay! I think your human is trying to scare you so that you don't do it again!

~The Monster Crew

Ollie said...

Puglet,
You've done enough good up to now that I'm sure you've earned your angel wings. I don't think the Nugget Incident will affect your afterlife status.
What dog can resist a nugget sandwich on the ground and within snout range?
Just be on your best behaviour for a while because no human likes to lose the "my dog just ate a homeless man's sandwich because I couldn't pry it out of his mouth" game.

Coco from Denver said...

Dear Puglet,
I think if you're going to H-E-double hockey sticks, I might be going there too. I confess that last night while my humans were watching the box of election results, I was running amock all through the rest of the house dragging dirty laundry everywhere! I was having SO MUCH FUN thinking I surely was in HEAVEN until my mom human came looking for me and saw the mess I made. Oopsie!
But I think you were so nice to sit with the sidewalk human. I'll bet he secretly offered you the nugget, because what human could resist your charm and cuteness? ;)

Love,
Coco

Anonymous said...

Puglet - don't you know dogs & all animals are not allowed in hell, so you're safe there. I think the homeless man enjoyed your company & getting some good attention instead of pity. He liked you & wanted to share his food with you. Maybe you & your human can scope out the area & see if he returns and then maybe w/some of your spare cookie $, you can buy him some food or even nice warm socks, gloves, etc.

Fro, Molly & Cleo

Salinger The Pug said...

We'll see you there, dude! Mom says that our whole family is going there on a full ride scholarship!

I'm sure that nugget sammich was delish. Hopefully the Sidewalk Man was able to find another place to get another sammich or some help to allow him to get another one.

Love,
S-Dog

Anonymous said...

Oh Puglet, if you are going to Hell, then we want to be there also! Sometimes when I hear people talking about how others are goint to hell I think, well they seem like fun people, I think it might be fun! Really though, how could you resist, you are a pug! Face it, you were just doing your duty tasting it...for the persons safety. How heroish of you.

We don't really have a solution for you. It is really a sad problem of society. It would be wonderful if someone comes up with an idea we can work on together. And our guess (based on our humans comments, as someone who has worked in local government for 25 years) is that this law sounds totally illegal and will never be implemented (whatever that means).

Pearl and Tessa

Lola said...

Hey there,Puglet! My mom says the coolest church EVER is right there in your city- Glide Memorial. She says that not only are they THE place to be on a Sunday morning, but they do tons of great stuff for homeless folks. AND, she says that they have a huge kitchen and dining room where they feed homeless/sidewalk people. Maybe you could go there and see if you could help out- I think they might be able to help you with your Hell problem, too.
If stealing food gets you a ticket to the Hot Spot, we may all be there together,Pug.
Lafayette Lola

p.s.- maybe we could all bring food to the next PugSun to donate (pet food, too!) and you could be the delivery pug/spokespug to your neighborhood people in need.

Scoutie said...

Hi Puglet. My mom's still waiting for a Puglet calendar, and she thinks all the funny posts and cool pics would make a great coffee table book. Just think, you could be on millions of coffee tables and not get yelled at! Your mom would make so much money she could buy nuggets for everyone.

XOXO
Scoutie

Aarin and Mimi said...

oh puglet, really now, who could blame you? its a giant nugget, on bread, on the ground. the ground is pug territory after all. i think sidewalk man just didnt know that. it was very nice that he wasnt mad. he probably doesnt get to eat often so maybe it was his way of building up his own karma to let you have it. as bad as this sounds, i think you need an act of contrition. since you ate sidewalk man's food, you have to let someone else eat yours. i know it sounds like a terrible idea but i think you should let frank or some other pug have some of your modeling cookies.

Anonymous said...

Puglet, I agree with all the others--you've *got* to do something with your photos and supermodeling. How many other pugs do you know who supermodel? That's right-none. You are gaining a huge following now, and you're already famous from your Green Pug video, so there's gotta be something big that you can do. You have so many things to say, and so many things that you stand for. You are a unique, recycled Pug with a Voice! And we are all here to support you.

Anonymous said...

I agree, you totally need to have your human publish and sell a calendar, I'd totally buy like 3 (work, garage & home).

Kitty+Coco said...

Well, look, that golden nugget beckoned to you from Heaven. Maybe homeless man was an angel sent to give it to you? Yeah, maybe not, but we still believe your sin can be forgiven. My mom says that she had a pet bird once that she is almost sure went to hell, but that pugs can't go there. Whew.

Kitty and Coco

Anonymous said...

This is my first reading of your blog....YOU ROCK!! Good stuff!! Saw your link and a cute video on F.B.! Glad I ended up at your blog. I will continue to read and enjoy!! =) Thanks for the great reads....

nanopod said...

YOU ARE sentient Puglet! And don't you let any Human or Buddhist tell you otherwise!

Plus, there's this Human named Kate Bornstein that gives away free (yes FREE) 'Get outta Hell free' card. Ya might wanna look her up.

THE PUGLET said...

I think my human is going to H-E DOUBLE HOCKEY THINGS for not letting me use her thumbs whenever I want.

Boo!

"He probably doesn't get to eat often so maybe it was his way of building up his own karma to let you have it."

Aarin and Mimi - that made me want to cry over the Nugget. I get to eat two meals a day, every day, sometimes more if we can trick my human into forgetting she already fed us (it's not that hard).

Now I absolutely must pay the universe back for snatching The Nugget. If I can't find Sidewalk Man, I will... uhm... do something else. I'm going to make a list right now of all your ideas. You are much better than my human is at thinking.

And me, I'm just a do-er.