Wednesday, November 3, 2010
OK. I know I should probably write about the Giants winning the world or whatever, but there's something important I reeeally need to talk about. And I know I'm not supposed to talk about sex, religion or politics but since I broke the rules yesterday, I might was well keep going.
So here goes. My human says I'm going to Hell. And Google says it's not a very nice place, so I need to know how to get out of going there. I'm hoping someone here can help me. Here's what happened...
I was out with my human and Nikon when we stopped so I could supermodel in front of some painted walls. A lot of other people were taking pictures of the walls, so I supermodeled for them too.
So far, so good.
A bunch of people from Germany wanted to know about me, so my human was kinda busy answering questions and I guess I got kinda bored. I saw a man sitting on the sidewalk and he looked kinda lonely sitting on the ground all by himself, so I walked over and invited myself onto his lap. He seemed happy to have some company and pet me on the spot that makes one of my back legs go crazy.
That's when I smelled the Nugget.
And then I saw the Nugget. A great big giant Nugget, smushed between two pieces of bread. Just sitting there. On the sidewalk. Kinda sorta next to the man, but not really. Kinda wrapped in paper, but not really. It smelled sooooooo good.
So I ate it.
At least I tried to eat it. Because my human swooped in and tried to wrestle the Nugget from my mouth. I held on. Sidewalk Man tried to defend me.
SIDEWALK MAN: oh, it's just chicken. It won't hurt him any.
MY HUMAN: yeah, I just don't know how long it's been sitting there.
SIDEWALK MAN: not very long. I just bought it a few hours ago.
Uhm. I should probably mention that Sidewalk Man was sitting on the sidewalk because he is homeless. And the stray Nugget on the sidewalk belonged to him. Oh. And my human says I also have to mention that she didn't have her wallet with her. Just some change in her jacket pocket.
So, my human gave Sidewalk Man the 77 cents from her pocket, said I'm SO sorry a whole bunch of times and dragged me home to get her wallet. By the time we got back, Sidewalk Man was gone. Which is when my human told me I'm going to Hell.
Straight to Hell, she said.
For eating a homeless man's Nugget. The stuff Google told me about Hell and how to stay out of it didn't really make sense. Does anyone here have any ideas??
PS: that sidewalk thing I talked about yesterday? It passed. It's now illegal to sit or lie on the sidewalk in San Francisco.