MORE GROSS THAN SCARY

Uhm. I don't know what the other 11 secrets Dutch thinks he knows about me are, but all I have to say about "Pug Secret #9" is this:

Yes, I am afraid of freaky things that hover over my head and act like they want to kill me or something. And if you saw that scary thing coming out of the wall at you, you'd be afraid too. And just in case you ever do see one, don't waste your time trying to scare it away because it's not afraid of barking. At all.

Oh. And at least I'm not afraid of mommy cows. Or lions. Or farts!

Anyway. Since we're talking about scary things, check out what my human found in my fold yesterday:

In case you've never been attacked by a tick (and can't tell what's in the picture because my gimpy human took it with her phone) that thing in the picture is a tick.

If you ask me, ticks are more gross than scary. Which is a good thing because the sucker was stuck to my face and I think having something scary stuck to your face would be ridiculously scary.

It's bad enough the thing left a big red hole in my face when my human pulled it off:

Luckily the hole is hidden in my fold so only I (and now you) know it's there. Hey, maybe we can call it Pug Secret #13?

FFF: Pug secret #9

Hi everybody. This is Dutch. The spotted one with the skinny neck who supposedly hogs the bed and is afraid of farts. That Dutch.

Pug is feeling a lot better, but he said I could have the blog today if I promised not to tell my human where he keeps his secret poop stash. He's worried she might put him on lockdown for eating bad things and says he needs a plan B.

The truth is, I don't know where Pug keeps his secret poop. But I do know some other secrets you might be interested in. I can think of at least 12 without even thinking.

Like Secret #9: Pug really isn't all that brave. He might not be afraid of angry cows or mountain lions, but he is afraid of this:

Don't ask me what it is because I do not know. But I do know it's nothing to be afraid of. Unless you are Pug. In which case, it's terrifying. And in case he says I'm lying or making this up, here's a whole lot of proof:

This is happy Pug showing off for Nikon.

Seconds later, happy Pug meets "scary" thing.

"Scary" thing stops happy Pug cold.

He debates if this is a fight or flight situation.

Decides to fight (or at least bark his head off).

When fight doesn't work, he flees. Then barks some more.

Not exactly brave if you ask me.

BLECH-Y

Uhm, I'm not feeling so good today. I felt fine when I woke up, but when we got back from our morning walk I started to feel sick. Not too sick to eat breakfast, but close.

It might have something to do with all the junk I ate at the park:

• a pawful of small rocks

• two sticks

• one Eucalypto-pod-thingy (no idea what they are but they fall from the trees and smell like armpits)

• a few unknown items I hoovered up too fast to identify

Don't tell my human, but I always eat junk and don't walk around feeling sick all the time. I better feel better before the snow comes. If it comes (the weather people keep changing their minds). So. Can you all do me a huge favor and think feel-better thoughts AND snowy thoughts?

** UPDATE **

Huge pukey thanks to everyone who thought me better! I guess my stomach didn't like something I ate and decided to send it back. In puke form (that's the brown stuff in the picture.

Luckily it happened in the middle of the sidewalk and not on the carpet. My human was mad enough about the "large indigestible objects" she detected in my puke, if she had to clean carpet too I'd be wearing a Bee Hat for sure :(

SNOWY THOUGHTS

Thanks so much for setting me straight on the soft serve. I had NO idea it was ice cream. Why don't they just call it ice cream?

Anyway. Now I understand why my ice-cream-hating human didn't want to stand in line to get it. I do like the idea of ambushing a little human. Think I'm going to try that. If stealing the soft serve doesn't work, maybe I'll ask Bellatrix and her orbs to come beg for it with me.

Speaking of icy cold things, last night the weatherman said it might snow here in San Francisco. Yup. Snow. Here!

I know if you have to live with snow all the time, the stuff kinda sucks. But when you live in a place that only gets snowed on like every five hundred years or something, it's pretty exciting. So I'm excited.

I don't want to wait another 500 years for a chance of snow, so asked Google if there's any thing I can do to make it happen. Apparently you can do a snow dance. Like these people:



Uhm. Yeah. I think I'll skip the dancing part. And the singing. Maybe if we all just think snowy thoughts, it'll happen?

SOFT SERVE??

Even though I do most of the talking, I learn a lot from everyone here. So today I have a major question:

Soft serve??

This place down the street from us sells it. And every weekend people line up around the block to get it. Around the block. In the rain, at night - always a line.

So I'm thinking this soft serve stuff must be ridiculously good. But I have no idea what it is because my human always has some lame excuse for not wanting to stand in line for an hour to get me some. And I'm pretty sure I do want some.

This is what I know:

1. It's eatable.
2. Humans eat it with their tongues - no thumbs!
3. Lots of people 'heart' it.

This is what I want... no... need to know (in as much detail as possible):

1. What exactly is soft serve?
2. If you've eaten it, what's the big whoop?
3. How might I talk my human into getting me some??

My stomach thanks you for any info you can give it. Uhm, I mean me.

Oh, and PS:

The talking towel tube thing? Not afraid (but Dutch FR-EAKED!!)
Vaseline? Uhhh. Not scary.
Plastic bags? Oh yeah. They're like tinfoil's evil twin!
Hair drying machine? Only when my human points it at me.

And if we had a Hallmark Valentine's card with a pug on it that sings Boom Boom, I wouldn't be afraid. But I would probably bark my head off at it.

SCARY THINGS

Y'know, I was totally surprised to hear I'm not the only one afraid of tinfoil. Dutch always laughs at me about it and he's the wimpiest dog on earth, so I thought I was some kind of freak or something.

Knowing I'm not the only tinfoil-fearing freak out there made me feel better, so today I'm going to confess all my fears. OK, maybe just the top three ones. And Dutch's too.

Here goes...

My name is Puglet, and I'm afraid of:

1. Tinfoil
2. My human when she catches me eating poo.
3. Uhmmm... microwave popcorn?

Dutch is afraid of lots of stuff, but here's the top 3:

1. Cows
2. White-stuff-in-a-can (aka whipped cream)
3. His own farts

Sharing this stuff doesn't make anything less scary. But it makes you feel kinda good. What's on your Top 3 list of scary things?

FFF: mountain lion, shmountain lion

As you know, most of our usual adventures have been on hold lately. And even though they've mostly been replaced by food and I'm cool with that, a life without adventure is... well... kinda boring.

The one adventure I miss most is our Saturday morning hike with the cows. I miss chasing the momma cows. I miss eating the baby cows' pies. And apparently last weekend, I missed seeing a real, live mountain lion.

Uh huh. You heard me. Mountain lion.

I know this because a supernice lady named Dana sent my human an email about it:

Hi Amanda,

Mary and I frequently run into you out at Wildcat Canyon. Today when we were out there, a couple of men told us they were about to jog into the hills by the water fountain when they came upon a mountain lion/bobcat. Mary and I just wanted you to know about this since you walk with your dogs frequently alone. We've missed seeing you. Hope you enjoyed the beautiful weekend!

OK. It was supernice of Dana to warn us about the lion, but she has no idea. I'm not afraid of lions. I'm not afraid of anything, really. Except maybe the sound tinfoil makes. That stuff is way scary. Oh, and hail. Hail is scary. But lions? Aren't they just big cats? If I can take on an angry momma cow, I can take on a cat.

I even checked with Google to make sure I can handle a mountain lion encounter. Sounds totally doable to me.

IF YOU ENCOUNTER A MOUNTAIN LION...

BACK AWAY, BUT DON'T RUN!

Do not run from a lion. Back away from it slowly, but only if you can do so safely. Running may stimulate a lion's instinct to chase and attack. Face the lion and stand upright. Make eye contact.

SEEK SHELTER

Move slowly and position trees, boulders or other large objects between yourself and the lion. Do not lose sight of the lion. Be prepared to act.

DO ALL YOU CAN TO APPEAR LARGER

If the lion still approaches, make yourself larger than life. Raise your arms and speak firmly in a large voice. Show no fear.

BE MENACING

Give the lion a cold, hard stare. Show your teeth. (A woman attacked at Cuyamaca Rancho State Park may have saved herself by baring her teeth, growling and staring the lion down as it approached her). Make loud, menacing sounds, like yelling and growling.

IF ATTACKED, FIGHT BACK

Try to stay on your feet if a lion attacks you. Lions have been driven off by prey that fights back. Since lions usually try to bite the head or neck, try to remain standing and face the attacking lion head on. Throw stones, branches, or whatever you can grab without crouching down or turning your back to the lion.

Totally doable, right??

BREAK OUT THE SWEATERS!

If you live in Canada, you might already know that today is National Sweater Day. For all us non-Canadians, here's the deal: say no to global warming by saying yes to sweaters. Turn down the thermostat 3 degrees and put on a sweater.

It's 44 degrees here (freezing!) and me and Dutch are totally sweatered. I heard a pug named Emmitt in Colorado went big - dropped the heater by 6 degrees instead of 3 and put on TWO sweaters! That's hardcore.

Even though it's a Canadian thing, I think we should all do Sweater Day. A pug named Winston has even changed things up a little bit and made today Stubby's Sweater Day, in memory of my man Stubby - the Greenest pug who ever lived. So, even if you don't really care about saving the planet, you should break out your sweaters to honor one very awesome pug.

I WAS RIGHT!!!

So. Just when I thought my human would never believe in the Food = Love thing, something completely awesome happened. And that something was cupcakes.

Yesterday was my human's special-day, so The Man got her a little pink box of tiny little cakes to celebrate getting old (because food = love!). Lucky for me, my human doesn't like chocolate so all the little cakes were totally eatable. Even luckier for me, The Man knew my human would have fun watching me eat a cupcake, so he got a few extras. And just when I thought I couldn't possibly get any luckier, I got luckier.

Three words: Bacon. Maple. Cupcake.

Yeah.

There was no way my human was going to eat anything with bacon in it, even if it was a cupcake. And Dutch can't reach the table, so this bacon-studded piece of love was all mine. It was gone in half a second, but I LOVED every half second of it.

For the record, I was totally right. Food = love. Especially food with bacon in it.

PS: I know I've been talking about food A LOT lately, but my human promises we'll start having adventures again soon.

RANDOM LOVE

Well, I hope somebody got some food love yesterday because I know I didn't. I waited and waited, but the food just never came. Unless you count kibble and carrots... which I totally don't.

My human pulled a tick off my head, cleaned out my fold and put goo in my eye to make the gunk go away. She said that was love. I guess it could be, but I would rather have had food.

Anyway. A total of 113 comments came in before San Francisco midnight last night so I fed the number into the randomizer:

And the randomizer said the winner of their very own Bubba Rose cookie book is... commentor #17.

My human counted and acounted and counted again, and it looks like comment #17 was from a ridiculously cute pug named Bella Mia. Congrats Bella! Please email me dailypuglet[at]gmail.com so we'll know where to send your cookie book.

And to everyone who didn't win, this would be a really good time to guilt your human into giving you a big fat sympathy snack. Or five.

Oh yeah. Now get this, Bella Mia's profile thingy says she lives right here in the Bay area. I don't think we've never met, but after seeing her cuteness I think maybe we should!

Maybe Love Day really is about love???

HAPPY LOVE DAY!

I hope everyone is having a superhappy Love Day. I thought my human was finally on board with the whole food = love thing, and that celebrating Love Day should = food. But so far all I've gotten today is a walk in the rain and the usual bowl of kibble + water.

Not sure what's up with that, but I guess the day is only half over. Love/Food Day only lasts til midnight though, so I'm not sure what she's waiting for. But I hope the waiting ends soon. Like, now.

Anyway. Another thing that only lasts until midnight is the Bubba Rose cookiebook giveaway. It looks like the Randomizer will have so many pugs/dogs/kitties/humans to pick from, but if you haven't left a comment on last Friday's post - do it now!

BECAUSE FOOD *IS* LOVE

So I heard on TV that Monday is Love Day or something. The special-day when humans give flowers and chocolate and stuff that says "I love you". I don't know why anyone would want to get a bunch of flowers when they grow, like, everywhere. And I don't know how chocolate says I love you because I'm a dog and chocolate can kill me. But human special-days never really make any sense so I guess this one is no different.

Since my human's gimpiness has gotten in the way of my blogging, I was able to guilt her into making this year's Love Day more dog-friendly. Y'know, since we can't eat chocolate and flowers are only good for peeing on. And what better way is there to say I love you than with cookies??

Even though my human always says food is not love whenever I try to guilt her into giving me an extra snack or two (or five), she's not a pug. Or a beagle. Or a golden retriever. Or even a kitty. To us, food is totally love. So it only makes sense that celebrate Love Day with food. Right?

Right.

So. To celebrate Love Day, I'm going to give some lucky someone their very own Bubba Rose cookie book. We'll use the Randomizer thing again to pick the winner because random = fair. If you already have one, or are a kitty - you can still enter to win it for a hungry, cookie loving friend.

** Just make sure you comment on this post by Midnight, February 14th **

If you forget how the Randomizer works, here's the lowdown:

I'm going to use this cool Randomizer thing to pick a winner from everyone who leaves a comment. You don't have to say anything special - you just have to say something so the Randomizer knows you were here. Don't ask me how it works, but my human says it's super fair and kinda scientific (?).

Details:

1) Randomizer will pick a winner based on the number of comments on this post. Please leave only ONE comment so my human doesn't have to do any counting. Trust me, we don't want her to do any counting.

2) You don't have to say anything special in your comment, but if you're an anonymous commenter - please leave your name or at least some kind of alias so we know what to call you if you get picked.

3) Winner will be picked from all comments received by San Francisco midnight on February 14th and posted February 15th.

Telling me how cute I am in your comments would be nice, but won't make the Randomizer pick you because the Randomizer is 100% totally random.

PS: I will read everyone's comments (like I always do) but won't comment back so I don't throw off the Randomizer. I told you - very scientific.

LOOK INTO MY EYES

And tell me I'm fat? Yeah. Because that's exactly what the vet did to me this morning. Usually she's all "you're in such good shape Puglet! Here, have a treat. Heck - you can have TWO".

But not today. Today she just called me fat and gave me nothing but a pet on the head.

And I wasn't even there to get weighed! One of my eyes has been gunky and when the gunk turned green, my human said it was vet time. My eyes have NOTHING to do with how much I do or don't weigh, so I have no idea why they even made me get on the stupid scale. I mean, what does being fat have to do with green eye gunk??

Still, when the vet was checking me out with the scopey thing, she looked me straight in the eye and said (to my human, like I wasn't even there): Puglet's looking a little chunky these days. Might want to cut back on the treats a little.

Huh what? Cut back on what treats? The only treat left is poop and I have to sneak out into the bushes in the middle of the night to get that. Why can't humans just accept that pugs like food? Because if it was up to me, I wouldn't be a little chunky. I'd be a lot chunky.

NO MORE POOSTACHES!!

Phew! Thanks for all the alibi ideas. And for mentioning that a poostashe could give away my poo stash. I totally never thought of that. From now on I'll be sure to lick off all evidence before coming inside.

I'm pretty sure if I take your advice and don't get caught with poo on my face, Miss Gimpy Brain will forget all about my 2am "pee trips" in a few days. I'm so glad I have you guys to help me out with this stuff! Dutch is such a goody-goodie, he never has any good ideas.

Anyway. I was so freaked about needing an alibi, I totally forgot to talk about snowmageddon. From what you all said, it doesn't sound like I really want snow. For more than a few minutes of playing/yellow snow making, anyway.

Even though we have no snow, the weather here has been super crazy lately. This is what it was like on Sunday:


It was 81 degrees outside and my human had to turn on the A/C to keep me from melting. I'm pretty sure that's not supposed to happen in the middle of winter. At least not in San Francisco.

WANTED: ALIBI

Ok. There isn't much about sleeping on the floor that I like, but I did figure out one good thing about it: I can do things in the middle of the night without waking up my human. Snoring is one of those things. Sneaking outside to forage for snacks is another.

And by snacks, I mean poop. Secret poop. Hidden poop. Poop I stash in the bushes so my human won't see it and take it away.

For the past few nights I've been sneaking outside in the middle of the night to snack on my poo-stash and my human hasn't had a clue. Not. A. Clue. Until this morning when we ran into our downstairs neighbor and he totally narcked me out!

Yeah.

Neighbor dude likes to sneak outside in the middle of the night to smoke, so on my way to the bushes I'd see him on the stairs and stop to say hi. And today he goes and tells human that I've been hanging out with him during my "2am pee trips"! My human *knows* I don't have to pee at 2am because our last pee happens at like 11pm. She is now very suspicious and I'm afraid she's going to start closing the dogdoor at night and take away the only snack I have left in my life.

I need one of those alibi things. Like, now.

Help?

SNOWMAGEDDON!

Ok, the weatherdude keeps talking about all the snow and ice that's taking over the universe. There's snow to the north of us where my man Stubby was from. Snow to the east of us where Frodo and my cousin Sophie live. And some super freakish snow all the way down south where the San Antonio pugs live (uhm, I think that would be Texas). I'm kinda starting to wonder: does anyone here *not* have snow?

I'm also feeling kinda left out. We never get snow. Like, ever. I saw it once in Tahoe two Christmases ago and another time in Tahoe last summer (yes, summer. Today's picture was taken last June). Right now it's warm enough to go to the beach and swim. Can anyone fill me in on what it's like to get snow? It sounds really fun?

PS: I'm so sorry to hear that I'm not the only one who's gotten munched/almost munched at the dog park! It sounds like they can be fun places, but they can also be scary places. Especially if you're little and don't know it.

LOVER OR FIGHTER?

We usually don't go to the dog park, but since my human is still kinda out of commission and the dog park is only a block from our house we've been going there a lot lately.

I don't mind the dog park. There are lots of laps to sit on and people awww at me. But my human isn't a fan because it's small and fenced in and I guess small and fenced in means things can get kind crazy sometimes. Yesterday was one of those times. And so was today.

Yesterday I got pounced on by a dog who doesn't like pugs. I tried to fight back but she was way bigger than me and way scary. The humans had to pull the pug-hater off me and when it was over my leg hurt so bad I couldn't walk. This TOTALLY freaked out all the humans, but after a few minutes my leg felt fine and I went back to playing.

Then today I got kinda mangled by some German-Shorthaired-something who I think thought I was a bunny. I thought we were playing chase - until he grabbed me by the tail and tried to eat me. Of course I went completely poodle and scared him off, but it still hurt.

My human gets all freaked out when I go poodle on big dogs because she's afraid I'm going to end up really getting my butt kicked some day. I don't go poodle for no reason anymore, but if someone tries to eat me like a bunny - I'm totally going poodle on them.

I'm more of a lover than a fighter, so I don't start fights. But if someone starts a fight with me, I want to be the one to finish it. Y'know? Are you a lover or a fighter? Or a little of both?

PS: thanks for backing me up on the snore thing. When my human tried to kick me out of bed (again!) last night I fought back by reminding her that I am a very quiet snorer.

SNORE CAM

So, my human made this video after she kicked me out of bed (again) for sounding like a lumberjack. I wanted to hear what I did to deserve getting kicked out of bed, so she turned her phone into a snore cam.

I don't really think my lumberjack-ing is that bad, but my human says that's only because my face is squished and the dogbed is muffling the sound. Whatever. What I do know is it's really hard to fall asleep when there's a camera pointed at you. Even cellphone cameras mean cookies and who wants to sleep when you might get a cookie for doing something cute!?

Anyway. I'm not sure how much fun it is to watch a sleeping pug, but seeing yourself sleep is pretty freaky. I had no idea my eyes move when I'm asleep. Or that I can sleep AND snore AND have my eyes open at the same time. I think I should totally get a cookie for that trick, right?

PS: don't you love how my human waits until the END of the video to get rid of the icky eye booger?!?

FEBRUARY COOKIES!

It's a brand new month and you know what that means: COOKIES! Well, cookie instructions anyway. Courtesy of the awesome people at Bubba Rose Biscuit Company who said it's OK for me to share recipes from their Organic Dog Biscuit Cookbook.

We haven't tried this recipe yet, but awhile ago my human made one up using stuff we had in our kitchen and the cookies came out supertasty. If my human's imaginary recipe can turn oats, bacon and carrot juice into supertasty cookies, you know the Bubba Rose recipe will be ridiculously good. And pink instead of orange :)

Enjoy!

Whole Lotta Love

1 cup oat flour
1 1/4 cup rice flour
1/2 cup grated parmesan cheese
1 6 oz can tomato paste
1 TBS beet powder [or juice] (optional for color)
1 egg
2 1/3 cup water

* * *

Preheat oven to 350. Combine all ingredients together and mix until a dough forms. Roll out on lightly floured surface to 1/4" thickness. Use a heart shaped cookie cutter (or a knife) to cut out shapes. Place the cookies on an ungreased cookie sheet (they can be close together as they don't grow much while cooking).

Bake 20-25 minutes. Transfer and let cool completely on a wire rack. Store the cookies in an airtight container in the refrigerator.

PS
Here are some important things I've learned about cookies:

* add bacon (bacon makes even the best-tasting things taste even better)

* shape dough into small balls for easy eating (cute shapes are, uh, cute - but balls are aerodynamic!)

* the smaller the cookies, the more you'll get to eat

* skip the airtight container - immediately eat as many cookies as possible while your human isn't looking