Ok. There isn't much about sleeping on the floor that I like, but I did figure out one good thing about it: I can do things in the middle of the night without waking up my human. Snoring is one of those things. Sneaking outside to forage for snacks is another.
And by snacks, I mean poop. Secret poop. Hidden poop. Poop I stash in the bushes so my human won't see it and take it away.
For the past few nights I've been sneaking outside in the middle of the night to snack on my poo-stash and my human hasn't had a clue. Not. A. Clue. Until this morning when we ran into our downstairs neighbor and he totally narcked me out!
Neighbor dude likes to sneak outside in the middle of the night to smoke, so on my way to the bushes I'd see him on the stairs and stop to say hi. And today he goes and tells human that I've been hanging out with him during my "2am pee trips"! My human *knows* I don't have to pee at 2am because our last pee happens at like 11pm. She is now very suspicious and I'm afraid she's going to start closing the dogdoor at night and take away the only snack I have left in my life.
I need one of those alibi things. Like, now.