TOO MUCH EXCITEMENT

Before I talk about our weekend, I promised to tell you how excited Dutch was that everybody liked his bunny hoodie. So, Dutch was excited. Ok. Now back to me.

My Saturday was not exciting. It rained. Then it rained. Then it rained some more. My human dragged us out for a walk, then we slept. Like this:

In the afternoon my human had to go to the store or something, so we got to ride in the car and then get dragged out into the rain for a walk. I was not so excited about this either, in case you can't tell.

After rain dragging #2, we slept some more. My human thinks it's supercute when we "spoon" like this, please don't tell her I'm really just trying to keep warm. I really wish Dutch was smaller so I could be the big spoon. Sigh.

So that was the first half our weekend. I think the only thing that would have made it more exciting is if my human got Dutch one of these rain things we saw at the pet store:

Lucky for Dutch, they only had them in pug size. Lucky for me, my human knows I'd wear a pink eared bunny hoodie before I'd ever wear... uh... whatever the heck that is!

DUTCH FRIDAY: the bunny hoodie

Hello everybody! I'm sooo happy it's Friday again - being here makes it my favorite day of the whole week :)

Not much happened this week so I hope you don't mind me talking about our trip to the beach last Friday. As usual, there are some things Pug didn't tell you about.

#1: Puppy feet are confusing

Before I get to the stuff about the beach, does anyone out there know if puppy feet are always so gigantic? Ernie's feet are bigger than mine and Jardin's are almost as big - even though my whole body is bigger than both of them. It's very mysterious. And a little weird.

#2: swimming = freezing

The water here is very cold, even when everything else is warm. And if you're the one who has to swim waaaay out into the middle of the ocean to get the toy because your human doesn't know how to throw like a normal person, you get very cold too. 

If you're lucky, a nice human will let you borrow a hoodie to keep warm. If you're VERY lucky, it's a pink eared bunny hoodie. With a little pink tail!

Thank you Miley & her mom!!!

#3 bunny hoodies = LOVE!!

I know Pug's going to make fun of me for this, but I'm going to say it anyway. Bunny hoodies are better than bacon. Yes, it's true! They're warm, fuzzy and super cute. And they last much longer than bacon does. Eatables are gone in ten seconds (two if you're Pug and don't chew), but I enjoyed Miley's hoodie all the way home. 

#4 bunny hoodies make great PJs !!

I loved seeing all the other spots, but a day at the beach can be exhausting! Especially when you're 10 years old and trying to keep up with a big footed puppy. I crawled into bed when we got home and didn't get out until morning. Of course Pug laughed at me for going to sleep still dressed like a bunny but I'm 99% sure he's just jealous. 

See you next week!

Dutch
xoxo

PUPPY THERAPY

feeling not so cute

So last Friday my human says to me, we're finally going to do something fun today! I'm wasn't sure if "fun" was a code word for "exciting" because we learned with Ernie that "exciting" can also be code for "stupidly cute puppy".

ME: will there be puppies?
HUMAN: Miley's mom will be there!
ME: didn't Miley have puppies? Is this some kind of a trap?
HUMAN: (silence)

Human silence is never a good sign. And what you don't know because I wasn't here to tell you about it back in November is spotted Miley had little Mileys. A whole pile of them. Yeah. And any human will tell you the only thing cuter than a puppy is a whole *bunch* of puppies. Not fun.

ehhhhh

Ok. Now back to last Friday. We end up at the beach, there aren't any cute puppies and I'm happy. I get a little worried when Miley's mom's Yukon pulls up because there might be puppies in it, but I love Miley's mom and the Yukon is like a giant cookie jar so it was hard not to get excited.

Until I saw Yukon had a puppy sized crate in it. Awesome.

Well, lucky for everyone, Miley's mom only kept one of the puppies. His name is Jardin and, well, he's a ridiculously cute puppy. What else can I say? Except my human made me and Dutch share our toy with him. 

And then he stole it.

When we were done playing and every human in San Francisco had oohed and awwwed over Jardin and his ridiculous puppy cuteness, I had to sit next to him for today's picture. My human called it "puppy therapy" but I call it cruelty to Pug. 

Seriously? I'd rather supermodel a pair of hot pink heels than have to pose next to a puppy.

Don't get me wrong, Jardin's ok. And I'm sure we'll be supergood friends when he's a little older and not oozing cuteness. But right now he just makes me feel... not so cute. And who wants that?

PAPARAZZI

paparazzi and the hot pink shoe dude

On the way home from peeing the other day, we met a dude in hot pink shoes.  Yeah. I know. Of course Dutch fell in love with the shoes and wanted to wear them, but since they were on a dude's feet my human asked if we could take a picture *with* them. 

Oh no honey, you just take 'em! the dude with the hot pink shoes said.

At first Dutch was excited. But as soon as he got the shoes on, about a million people started taking his picture. And I guess a million Steves is one too many because Dutch totally wasn't into it. At all.

That's when I stepped in. Yeah, like into the shoes. The high heeled pink ones. You all know how I feel about pink and I wasn't exactly loving the whole heels thing, but REAL supermodels don't wuss out when the paparazzi shows up. We look straight at the camera and strike a pose. Even if we're wearing some dude's hot pink shoes.

I told Dutch he owes me big time for saving him from the paparrazi. I'm still thinking up ways for him to make it up to me, but it will probably involve me getting food. Lots and lots of food.

ALMOST WORDLESS: a tale of two supermodels

PUG: hey! Look at me! 

DUTCH: can we be done now, please?

DOES THIS WALL MAKE ME LOOK SKINNY?

So, my human was really early for a doctor appointment the other day and me & Dutch were with her because she forgot we were in the car and taking us home would have made her late instead of early. 

Of course Steve the phone is always with us, so I suggested we kill time by taking pictures of me. Because you can never have enough picture of me, right? 

When my human saw this window thingy, she said yes. We took some pictures. I got a cookie. No big deal. Until she looked at the pictures later on and said the four words every pug wants to hear (I underlined, tilted and bolded them - just in case you're not a pug):

HUMAN: is that a waist?

ME: (silence in case this a trick question)

HUMAN: wow, you look so skinny.

ME: yes, I am skinny. You definitely need to feed me more.

Now, you must *promise* not to tell her or anyone else what I'm about to tell you. Promise? Ok. The truth is, being fatter than the window thing kinda freaked me out because it felt like I might fall off. So I sucked everything in to make myself skinny enough to fit. And that's why I have a waist in the picture.

My human doesn't know this. I'm not telling her and you better not either. Because ever since she saw my waist, there's been a little extra food in my bowl. I'm tying reeeeeally hard to score some bacon before she figures out I'm not really skinny. 

Wish me luck. And baaaacon!

DUTCH FRIDAY: my date with Ernie

Hello again everybody! Today came fast this week, didn't it?? Well, I know Pug already told you about our new neighbor Ernie and how we had our first date. But you can't always believe everything Pug says and here's some of what he didn't tell you. 

#1: Ernie has fabulous taste in toys

Any boy with a leopard spotted rhino and pink pig named Kosher is obviously special. Ernie *really* wanted me to play, but I don't do that until the second date. Instead, I played hard to get and pretended to want a nap.

#2: Ernie is nice and sweet and likes to share
As soon as he figured out I wasn't ready to play, Ernie snuggled up with me for a nap. His bed is big enough for both our butts, but probably not for long. 

 #3: Ernie is a giant 
Now now, but soon. Our human says you can tell by looking at his feet. They're only 12 weeks old and already bigger than mine. 

I wish I could tell you more about Ernie, but his bladder is smaller than his feet so our date didn't last long. I had such a good time, it was almost impossible to leave when it was time to go home. I'm so glad we only live a few houses apart. Hopefully we will have a second date soon!


Pink pigs + leopard rhinos, 

Dutch
xoxo

NASTY SALTY PIG PART

Ok. So, we get to the place with the pig parts. Bacon-a-loni or whatever. And me and Dutch have to wait outside while my human fetches us some pig. She ties us up with a security dude and a lady with a million bikes to give away or something. No idea. I was too busy thinking about tasty salty pig parts to care.

Five minutes go by. No pig. Another five minutes. Ten minutes. Still no pig. Just when I'm starting to get really worried, my human finally shows up with a plate. Apparently miss gimpy brain couldn't find the million bikes she parked us next to.

But whatever. She came back with a plate. Full of pig! Or, uh... 

ME: what part of the pig is THAT?!?
HUMAN: it's salty and tasty, you'll love it.
ME: but it doesn't look anything like bacon.
HUMAN: maybe this is better than bacon.

Of course nothing is better than bacon. But when my human was splitting the mystery thing in half and said "ew, gross" I figured whatever was on that plate must be awesome. Right?

Wrong. So wrong.

nasty! nasty! nasty!

Yes it was salty. But definitely NOT tasty. At all. The thing was slimy and rubbery and snotty and so ridiculously gross, I couldn't get it out of my mouth fast enough. Dutch spit his half out too and kinda freaked out when it got stuck to the bottom of his foot.

The security dude and bike lady thought this was all very funny. So did my human, except I think she felt kinda bad too. She really thought I would love whatever nasty part of the pig was on that plate.

Take it from me, if anyone ever tells you something might be "better than bacon" - don't fall for it. Send the plate back and ask for the real stuff instead. And if you have any idea what nasty salty pig part that is, please let me know!

BEN, JERRY + ALEJANDRO

All that posing with strangers at Fish Wharf made me a little lot hungry. Ok, so maybe I'm always hungry. But I don't always have a good excuse to ask for food and posing for 8 million pictures definitely counts. 

So after I convinced Dutch the cows on the Ben+Jerry building weren't real and wouldn't try to kill him, I asked my human if we could maybe get some ice cream. And she almost actually said yes (!) - except it was too early for ice cream and the Ben+Jerry window wasn't opened yet.

Too early for ice cream? What the?!?!

The best thing about Fish Wharf is there's a food place like every 10 feet. And since my human already said yes to ice cream (!), I figured she might say yes to just about anything. I just had to figure out the best possible thing to ask for. 

That's when I saw this dude on a bike thing giving a ride to one of the people I posed with. I figured he must get hungry riding people around all day so I asked him where I could find the tastiest eatables. 

ALEJANDRO: what you like?

ME: everything.

ALEJANDRO: but what is favorite?

ME: baaacon!

ALEJANDRO: ahhh, you eat Boccalone then!

ME: uhm. I said BA-CON.

At first I thought Alejandro was like that Bachelor dude on TV who speaks other stuff better than english. So I just kept saying BA-CON over and over again, really slow and loud. Then he laughed and said the magic words: pig parts. And not just any pig parts:

Uh huh. Tasty Salted Pig Parts. Forget you, Ben+ Jerry. Alejandro is the man! I'll tell you all about the pig parts tomorrow. Well. Sort of... 

ALMOST WORDLESS: soooo bromantic

Somebody who isn't me fell in love had a date with neighbor Ernie. I'll let that somebody tell you all about it on Friday...


PS: yeah, that's really a puppy foot. 

ACCIDENTAL EXCITEMENT

Yesterday we FINALLY had some excitement. Like, real excitement. It happened by accident on the way to the beach when we had to take a detour because of some running thing. And because my human's a spaz (and had to pee) we accidentally ended up at some place called Fisherman's Wharf.  

Fish Wharf is like the opposite of Ernie because there aren't really any dogs there. Like, zero dogs. My human says it's because everyone who goes to Fish Wharf is either on vacation or taking a boat to Alcatraz (or both). All I know is it's suuuuuper easy it is to look cute when there's no other cuteness around.

Seriously. All I had to do was breathe and people would awww. And if I did something even kinda cute? Out came the Nikons and Canons and phones. No joke. I posed with dudes from Japan. Ladies from Brazil. A baby from Israel. And about a million little humans like this one from Los Angeles:

Whenever someone had a phone like Steve, Dutch would bust out his "signature maneuver" and start hogging the camera posing for pictures too. 

I can signature maneuver too!

My human wonders how many of these people are going to look at their vacation pictures later on and wonder why they have pictures of someone else's dogs. Of course she is just being stupid. We, or at least me, are *way* more rememberable than a stupid orange bridge or any of the other San Francisco stuff people on vacation take pictures of. 

Right?

DUTCH FRIDAY: french for sourdough

Hello everybody! I'm sooooo sorry I missed you last week. Our human lost Friday and by the time she found it, it was Sunday and I didn't think anyone would be here.

:(

Anyhoo. Spring is here and I am happy. Warm sun. Luscious green grass. I hope cold foggy summer never comes! The weather people say it's colder than a San Francisco summer in some places, so if you live in one of them here's something nice toasty to think about:

Ahhhhh. The only thing better than fresh spring grass is fresh baked bread! I found it on the way home from the farmer's market the other day. 

The nice bread man's name was Zachary and he let me have a sample of something called levain. Google says that's French for sourdough, but I say it's Dutch for faaaaabulous! 

I was *very* tempted to pull a Pug and breathe all over the levain so my human would have to buy it, but unlike Pug I have manners. So I sat. And waited. And stared politely at Zachary, his bread and the little bowl of butter (!). 

When a lady on a bike wanted a sample of Zachary's levain, of course I moved out of her way. But I did not take my eyes off the fresh baked goodness. Or the bowl of butter.

After a few long minutes of staring, my human said it was time to go. She apologized to Zachary and his levain for being gluten-free and promised me I'd get an extra cookie when we got home...

Until next week, 

Dutch
xoxo

GREEN, LEAFY AND NOT A PUPPY

So yesterday my human says to me, Hey Pug, want to do something exciting? Uhm. Remember what happened last time she said this? I ended up getting ignored because of a puppy. Not so exciting. 

ME: will Ernie be there?

HUMAN: no, he still doesn't have all his shots.

ME: will there be ANY puppies?

HUMAN: not making any promises.

I really didn't like the sound of that. But I was superbored and figured I might score a guilt cookie if we ran into any puppies. And I had to pee.

A few blocks later, we were at the farmer's market. It hasn't been around in awhile so I guess that's kinda exciting. At least when you're superbored. 

It almost got exciting when I heard someone say BACON, until I found out they were really talking about something called BOK-CHOY. Don't worry, I didn't know what it was either. It's green, leafy and less exciting than a puppy.

The produce police didn't like me breathing on the Bok stuff and my human got in trouble for letting me get so close to the vegetables. Like I was really going to eat them!?! 

Of course she felt really bad and bought the bundle of Bok my foot kinda almost touched. If anyone knows what to do with Bok, please let us know. Pretty sure my human will be eating it for days. Maybe even weeks.

Imagine if my foot kinda almost touched bacon!?!

SIGNATURE MANEUVER?

I can signature maneuver too.

Not sure if you've noticed, but ever since Dutch fell in love with my human's new phone Steve, he's become a total camera hog. Seriously. Like you can just wake up one day and be a supermodel.

Yesterday morning we were out for our walk and he started posing with painted stuff on the sidewalk. He does this thing where he puts one foot on the painted part, and just stands there like he owns it or something. Says it's his "signature maneuver". I say it makes going for a walk kinda hard.

My human says I need to be nice and let Dutch explore his inner model. And I guess if he thinks just standing there is a signature move, I don't have to worry about him out-modeling me. But still. Even though I'd never set foot on a girly looking heart, sometimes sharing kinda sucks.

ALMOST WORDLESS: uggs

stray UGGS

What's warm and fuzzy and rhymes with Pug? Uggs! Ugg? Whatever.

SPRING FORWARD

Spring has freaking sprung. The sun is out. Grass is green. Everybody go roll in something!!

PS: if you still have snow, let us know and we'll roll for you.

ERNIE

So yesterday my human says to me hey Pug, want to do something exciting?? And of course I say yes because 1) I'm freaking bored 2) exciting could be code for bacon and 3) Dutch wasn't invited.

ME: are we going to a drive thru?

HUMAN: you'll see.

ME: cupcakes?

HUMAN: you'll see!

ME: will there be food of ANY kind??

HUMAN: (silence)

I kinda got a little worried when my human stopped answering my questions. I mean, what if silence was code for trip to the vet? Uhm, no. It turns out 'exciting' and silence was code for this:

His name is Ernie and he lives next door. My friend Lulu's mom is his dog walker and she invited me over for a "play date" because Ernie is too young to have real friends or something. No idea. But obviously my human's definition of 'exciting' is waaaay different than mine.

Not that Ernie's a bad guy or anything, but he's a puppy. And the thing about puppies is humans go completely nuts over them and forget all about me. 

Ernie + my human's lap = not excited

Aww, he's SO cute. Aww, look at those feet! Aww, puppy breath!! Uhm, hello. I have feet and breath too. But with Ernie it's like I'm not even there. I mean, the dude fell asleep with his paw on his junk and I swear every human within a 5 mile radius was squeeeeing and awwwwing about it.

seriously?

So yeah. No bacon. No drive thru. No cupcakes. Just my new, ridiculously cute neighbor Ernie. Who my human said I better make friends with now because in a few months he'll be big enough to squash me like a bug.

Awesome.

PLANT THIEF

My human says I have to apologize for yesterday's gross picture. Especially to all the humans who read me at breakfast. Or lunch. Or any other time there might be food around. I really don't understand what the big deal is. I mean, poop is just food somebody else already chewed. 

Seriously! 

Whatever. The weather is icky, my life is still boring and that mouthful of poop was the best thing that's happened since our trip to Jack in the Box. Dutch says I'd be happier if I saw my food bowl as half full. Well, duh. Of course I'd be happier if my bowl was half full. 99.9% of the time it's totally empty... kinda like the spot I'm sitting in for today's picture. 

There's usually a plant there but I guess somebody stole it. That's right. Stole a perfectly innocent plant. Missing plant is leafy and lives in a tan pot with a few rocks:

I don't know what kind of person steals a plant, so they might be armed or dangerous or both. I'm trying to talk my human into letting me use Dutch's nose to hunt them down and steal missing plant back. That would be super exciting, right??