HUGO + THE REPLACEMENT CUPCAKE

Maple-Bacon lips.

So, I tried to score a replacement cupcake. I told my human it wasn't fair that Dutch got to eat 99% of my birthday cupcake. She told me I've eaten "more than enough" lately and didn't really need a cupcake anyway.

Didn't need a cupcake??

OK, maybe I didn't need a cupcake. But I definitely wanted one. And since my human forgets pretty much everything these days I figured maybe I should just pretend I had no idea what she was talking about and score a cupcake anyway. I mean, maaaaybe sometimes I've almost eaten almost enough. But I've definitely never eaten MORE than enough. Ever.

So I pretended. But somehow my human remembered. She remembered all the cookies and ice cream and bagels and pizza and hotdogs and corndogs and bacon donuts I ate on the pug tour. When I tried to play dumb she pulled out a picture of me with Voodoo donut on my face. 

Hrm. Not fair.

With evidence like that, I'd never convince her that I need a replacement cupcake. Until I remembered that I also have evidence from the last day we were in Portland. Proof that my human is making other pugs happy and totally forgetting about me. Doing things like feeding my donuts to other pugs. And letting them play with Nikon. And, uh, stuff.

Exhibit A:

Me, Nikon and a pretty cool Portland pug named Hugo. According to Hugo, my human had just given him an entire bacon-maple Voodoo donut during a photoshoot. Seriously. Which one of us looks like a happy pug to you?

Exhibit B:

Maple-bacon pawprints I spotted on a table next to a Voodoo box. These are NOT my footprints. If you look close you can see a white hair in one of the prints.... Hugo has white feet. 

Hmmmm.

I really didn't want to put Hugo under a bus or whatever, but figured it was my only hope of convincing my human that I really haven't eaten more than enough and totally deserve a replacement cupcake (sorry dude). 

So I showed my human the pictures and reminded her about all the OTHER pugs she's been feeding. Suggested maybe they are the ones who have eaten "more than enough". Maybe they are the ones who don't need a cupcake. She suggested I get on a scale and we see what the numbers say.

Uh... maybe I really don't need a cupcake.

THE CUPCAKE

The chicken-fried bacon from Bacon Bacon was so good, I totally forgot there was a cupcake box in the fridge with my name on it. My human forgets everything so she didn't remember either. If it wasn't for Bruno + Diesel's comment about cupcake time, the Noe Bakery box probably wouldn't have been opened until Birthday #5.

Dudes. Huuuuge thanks for looking out for me.

My human is trying superhard to get caught up on Other Pug stuff and really needs her thumbs, but I did talk her into picking up Nikon so you could be in on the cupcake action. So if you're wondering how my cupcake was...

First it was naked. Cute, but kinda lame compared to chicken-fried bacon. So my human added a bunch of the REAL bacon bits Payton & her mom sent me for Christmas (Payton, if you can hear me - you rock!).

Then my human broke the bad news: I would have to share my birthday cupcake with Dutch. This didn't seem entirely fair until she reminded me that Dutch didn't get even a tiny taste of the chicken-fried bacon because I ate the entire order all by myself. Plus/minus any extra pieces from The Bacon Dude.

I didn't really want to share. But I would have. Except Dutch snarfed down like 99% of the cupcake before I could get my lips around it.

(click to biggify me)

 Instant replay:

 

Yeah. Apparently Dutch missed the whole SHARE thing. One bite and my birthday cupcake was pretty much gone. My human felt bad and tried to save something for me, but Dutch really wanted that cupcake.

 

So all I got was the stupid wrapper thingy and a few crumbs.

BACON BACON!

I wasn't kidding when I said the delayed birthday goodness started with bacon and ended with bacon. Because yesterday my human took me to meet the Bacon Bacon truck.

Uh huh. Bacon. Truck.

And I didn't just get to meet the Bacon Bacon truck. I got to eat it too. Seriously. There was so much bacony goodness, it was kinda hard to decide what to eat. Bacon grilled cheese? Bacon taco? Bacon caramel corn? It all sounded soooooo good.

I didn't want to waste any time with bread or cheese or taco thingys, I was there to eat some freaking bacon. So I decided to get a bunch of bacon (AKA, the Bacon Bouqet). Until I heard my human talking about some salad-y eatable with chicken-fried bacon on top. I had no idea what chicken-fried bacon was, but it sounded even better than a bouquet.

I didn't want to mess with salad any more than I wanted to mess with bread, so I asked my human if I could skip the vegetable part and just get the chicken-bacon. She must have felt reeeeealy bad about making me wait an extra day for my birthday and asked the Bacon Dude if we could get a special order of the chicken-fried bacon by itself.  

Go big or go home, she said. Whatever that means.

Get in my belly!

Dudes understand bacon so of course the Bacon Dude said yes. I'm pretty sure he even threw in an extra piece or two because he grew up with pugs and knows we deserve all the extra pieces we can get. If my human was the Bacon Dude, I'm sure I'd get to eat bacon every single day.

Anyway. I didn't have to wait very long for my chicken-fried bacon. The whole chicken-fried thing is kinda confusing because there didn't seem to be any chicken involved, but who really cares about chicken when you're eating bacon anyway? I know I don't.

It took me about 30 seconds to finish all my bacon. And even though I'm not 100% sure what I actually ate, it was definitely bacon. And completely awesome.

#1 best birthday ever.

MONDAYS MAKE BAD BIRTHDAYS

Well, my birthday never did happen yesterday. That's right. I went to bed sad and with a belly full of dogfood. But not because my human forgot about or doesn't love me. At least I don't think that's why.
Because according to my human, the reason my birthday never came is because Monday is a really bad day to have a birthday. At least if you want to eat cupcakes to celebrate it.

Apparently cupcake stores are closed on Monday. Yeah, I know. It sounded like a pretty lame excuse to me too until she showed me pictures of the CLOSED signs on not one but TWO cupcake stores.
Then she told me some story about the time she rescheduled her 30th birthday because her dog Moby had cancer and needed help going to sleep that day. Of course she totally forgot about moving the Big Day and was supersurprised when all her friends celebrated her Big 3-0 a few months later.

Best birthday ever, she says.

So even though I was kinda really mad about not having any birthday yesterday, I'm pretty sure good things are on the way soon. Like, TODAY. I mean, it makes total sense. Why settle for a Monday birthday with no cupcake when you can just wait until Tuesday?

I'll keep you posted on whatever goodness happens. It seriously better be awesome.

* * * 

UPDATE!
The cupcakes have landed. At least I think they have. My human said I'm not allowed to eat whatever's in this box until later.

LATER!

Isn't it already late enough??

Ugh. More soon.... I hope.

* * *

MORE!
Oh. My. Bacon. Some serious birthday goodness just happened.  

Serious goodness.

You might have to wait til tomorrow to read about it though - I'm kinda full and really need to sleep some of it off. Must make room for whatever's in that Noe Valley Bakery box.

I will give you a hint though: starts with bacon and ends with... BACON!

BIRTHDAY #4

So, the calendar says today is my birthday. And I've been waiting a whole entire year for it to come, but so far nothing special has happened. No cupcake. No presents. No hotdogs or bacon.

Nothing.

Last night I dreamt I got to eat a dozen Voodoo donuts for breakfast, but when I woke up this morning my human filled my bowl with dog food. Right now we are out on a hike so she can spend the rest of the day staring at HAL4.

My human's brain is so freaking gimpy right now, I'm afraid she won't remember to do anything special and I'll have to wait until birthday #5. I mean, first she drove around Portland with Droid on Mazda's roof, then she left poor Nikon in a dresser drawer when we changed hotel rooms in Seattle and didn't realize it until TWO WHOLE DAYS later.

Yeah. She left Nikon all alone in a strange hotel room for days. It was really bad. But don't tell her I told you because she'd kill me for letting everyone know how gimpy she can be.

Anyway.

If she's gimpy enough to forget Nikon, she is totally gimpy enough to forget about Birthday #4.

Uh, maybe if everyone sings Happy Birthday to me real loud she'll hear it and remember??

8am & STILL CAMP-FREE

The toilets are gone and the streets have cars in them again. There was loud music until very late last night and that made sleeping hard, but I don't care because I was in a BED and not a bag or tent in the middle of the wilderness.

Day 2 of Pride and still no camping!

My human said today there is a big parade, more music, and then Pride will be over. Yesterday a nice man gave me a pair of rainbow wings that would be the perfect parade outfit, but my human said we are going to the beach before Pride comes back and there's no place to park Mazda.

Parades don't happen every day so I'm a little disappointed we will miss it - especially now that I have the rainbow wings.

My human promises there will be another day for rainbow wings. Puglet promises to make fun of me for wearing them
when that day finally comes.

Forever Rainbow,

Dutch

Ps: Puglet will be back tomorrow.

5pm

The triangle is pink. The streets are closed. And we are NOT camping!

Puglet is disappointed. My human is too tired and busy to care. And me, I am happy as a rainbow.

Forever Pink,

Dutch

PS: so far there have not been any free cookies but I did find half a muffin and a pizza crust on the sidewalk.

7am UPDATE

The toilets have landed... right outside our house (please excuse my butt). They just started to make the Pink Triangle. The roads will close soon.

And we are still here!!

So far, no camp. Paws crossed.

PINK TRIANGLE OF DOOM

Hi everybody, it's Dutch again. My human said I could be the blog again today because of what could happen to me this weekend. I know she is trying to make me feel better, but it will not work. Because I know what it means when the the pink triangle comes to our neighborhood.

It means CAMPING.

It happens every year. First the no parking signs go up. Then a Pink Triangle comes. A big green bag gets packed up and we leave. We camp. My human says the Pink Triangle means Pride weekend and a whole bunch of Pride happening on a stage right outside our window all day and all night. She says we leave because it's too noisy and too hard to leave the house. 

But she could be lying. I cannot say.


Maybe the Pink Triangle means free cookies for all good dogs. Or maybe just for the good dogs who love pink. And are boys. I'm afraid I will never know the truth.
To me it just means having to go camping. In the woods. In a tent (if my human remembers to bring one).


We know I love pink. But not when it's a Triangle.

The no parking signs are already here. The Pink Triangle is not. The big green bag is not packed yet either. My human is tired. Mazda is tired. Maybe there's hope? Maybe we'll stay here with the loud Pride and possible free cookies for pink-loving boy dogs. I would share them with Pug if it meant we didn't have to camp. I would give them all to Pug if it meant we didn't have to camp.


I love giants bed with linens and pillows. Please, please don't make me camp.





 





 

MADE IT

After like twenty years of driving, we are finally home. We didn't leave Portland until late (first Voodoo, then Superchris - but more on that later) so my human drove all night to get us here. I already kinda miss Portland & Seattle, but it still feels pretty good to be back.

Since my human stayed up all night to drive, yesterday we just slept. Today we celebrated being back with a cow hike. I snacked on fresh pies and got in trouble for chasing a huge boy cow because he was a bull.

No idea why I'm sort of allowed to chase girl cows but totally NOT allowed to chase the boy ones. But whatever. As long as I get to eat their pies, I'm cool with not chasing the cows. Except maybe the baby ones.

GOODBYE GIANT BED

Our human said I could be the blog today because Puglet said I can't model. I CAN model. I can even SUPERmodel. I just prefer not to. That's all.

We're in Portland now but are heading back to San Francisco today. Life in the road isn't always fun or easy, but the bed we slept in last night was bigger than any bed I've ever hogged and I will miss it terribly. Especially since I heard my human say it's almost time for our annual get-out-of-dodge camping trip in Tahoe.

Camping?!?

ADIOS, SEATTLE

My human just shot the last of the Seattle pugs so now we'll finally get to do some supermodeling. By 'we' I mean me + Dutch, even though I know Dutch is totally just going to stand there and not do anything super or model-y. But I guess my human has wanted to take his picture in front of some building for like YEARS and we cannot leave Seattle until that happens.

I can't wait to get back to Portland for one more chance at some Voodoo, but google says they're open 24 hours so guess the maple bacon donuts will be waiting for me when I get there. Whenever it is.

Uh, right?

MEAT GUYS!

My human needed to rest her brain for this weekend's pug shoots so we didn't do a whole lot yesterday.

In the morning we went to a big off-leash park in Redmond my friend Miley's mom told us about. I met a one-eyed pug who looked just like me (except for the eye thing) and got in trouble for swimming in the "stinky gross water".

My human says I need to stay clean for Saturday, but I'm not sure why. She says its a surprise, but I heard her talking about needing to find me a ride to some parade so I'm thinking clean pug + parade = surprise??

No idea. But I hope the Saturday surprise is is as good as the one that happened today outside the grocery store. I'm talking dudes, a grill and MEAT.

The dudes weren't grilling just any old meat though. It was some special meat called Tri Tip. The dudes were special too. I heard them telling people they're the store's Meat Guys.

Meat Guys!

SUPER AND AWESOME

Day 2 in Seattle was much better. I got to taste a new bagel and visit pretty much every park Seattle trying to find the perfect spot for pug shooting. Washington, Discovery, Volunteer, Cal Anderson, Kerry and Magnus-something. So many parks!

We'd probably still be driving around if Google hadn't told us about a place called Bhy Kracke. My human says it's the perfect place, even if the name does sound make it sound like a place to buy drugs.

Anyway.

Just when I thought all the Droid drama was over, we got some crazy good news. Old Droid is safe! 173 miles away in Portland with a superhero named Chris, but safe.

Super Chris found Droid lying in the parking lot of the store my human ran into for our water --- after she drove off with poor Droid sitting on Mazda's roof. Uh huh. A skinny armed jerk didn't steal Droid. My gimpy brained human did!

Ok, technically I guess she lost Droid. But still. It was all her fault.

Lucky for us, Chris is super AND awesome. He called the in-case-of-emergency number in Droid's phone book (my human's mom in New Jersey) to let us know everything was ok. How awesome is that.

Go Super Chris!

We're going to stop in Portland on our way home next week to Droid back and I'm thinking we should get something for Super Chris. Y'know, to say thanks for being so awesome. I wonder if he'd like some bacon. All dudes like bacon, right?

Oh yeah. And those pictures I couldn't show you other day because Droid was missing? Also safe. My human is so busted.

HELLO SEATTLE

So, we ended up spending like half of our first day in Seattle at Planet Best Buy. But Droid 2 didn't push my human over the edge and the navigation lady kept us from getting too lost so I guess it's ok.

After Best Buy we headed out to scout. We started at the supercool Space Needle, then wandered over to a bunch of plants called the P-Patch. We weren't allowed to pee in the P-Patch (no idea) and I really wanted to do some peeing, so we walked down by the water for awhile on the way to some sculpture place.

Pretty cool stuff.

Our last stop was a Japanese garden waaaay out in Guam so we had to drive. Kinda lame, but my human promised we'll do a bunch more walking tomorrow because we still have one location to scout. Soooo many people stopped to love me (and sometimes Dutch) we ran out of day before making it to the last spot. Seattle loves pugs like I love bacon!

It's kinda late and the thumbs are supertired, but I'll have more from Seattle tomorrow. I hear there's a place that sells hot dogs with bacon on top...

VERIZON SUCKS BUTT

So, first Verizon wouldn't let me and Dutch in their store (even after my human said Droid was stolen and we'd die in the hot car). Then they said it will take 2 FREAKING DAYS to send us a new Droid.

Yeah. Send. Like in the mail or whatever.

This did NOT make my already not-happy human happy. So now we're at Planet Best Buy. And my human just paid $711.74 to get a us a Droid back. This Droid is different than the old one and is probably going to make her brain explode but at least we have a navigation lady again.

I kinda just want to take a nap and dream about more bacon but my human says we have to scout locations for the pug shoots. Even though it's raining.

Anyone know where I can score some bacon in Seattle???

NAPPED!

There were supposed to be pictures for today's post. And by pictures I mean evidence. Y'know, like proof. Proof that my human loves the Other 999 more than she loves me. Or at least that she and Nikon both cheated on me today with a certain pug named Hugo... and a bacon maple donut from Voodoo. You can't see this evidence because my human took the pictures with Droid and some stupid jerk phone-napped Droid. Yeah. Right out of Mazda. I'm not entirely sure what happened because me and Dutch were in a major Voodoo coma when Droid got snatched, but I'm pretty sure it happened when my human ran into a store to get some water and left Mazda's windows a little open so me and Dutch wouldn't die. Poor Droid must have been close enough to a window for some skinny armed jerk to reach in and phone-snatch. Dutch was too Voodoo'd out to do the Cujo thing and I was too full of bacony maple goodness to do, uh, anything. So Droid is gone. And so are all our pictures. Things didn't get much better when we tried to get a Droid 2 from the Verizon people, but I'll save that stupid story for tomorrow (hint: Verizon is not dog-friendly and we hate them). Right now I'm happy to be in a new state (hello Seattle!) with a belly full of bacon to dream about.

VOODOO COMA

Bacon. Maple. Dooooonut.

VOODOO

Today some pugs will get donuts.
And other pugs (and Dutch) will have to wait until later.

999% unhappy about this.

VOODOO

Today some pugs will get donuts.
And other pugs (and Dutch) will have to wait until later.

999% unhappy about this.

HELLO PORTLAND!

We're here. And it only took about 4 million years for us to get here. My human forgot to feed us breakfast this morning and felt really really bad so she got us a piece of pizza.

Yes. Real human pizza.

I have to share my pizza with Dutch but pizza NEVER happens so I guess that's ok.

I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE...

But it's almost dark and we are getting closer to Portland. It's very exciting! I wish our human would stop peeing so we can get there faster.

I will let Pug explain the peeing.

Love, Dutch

PORTLAND, HERE WE COME

Seattle too.

Much to tell you once we get there... if we ever get there.

Love & Bacon,

Pug and Dutch too