I was reeeeallly excited about maybe getting to eat bacon again, so I told my human we need to visit the scale ASAP. She's into some new weird thing where we only drive Mazda on weekends and Wednesdays (no clue) and since yesterday was a Monday and our regular official scale is too far away to walk to, she said ASAP wouldn't be for a few days.
I was pretty sure any scale would say I'm skinny, so I suggested we walk my skinniness over to the one at Pet Food Express. It's not far from our house and I figured I could get every last drop of pee out on the walk over. Besides, they also keep a bowl of cookies on the counter and the counter people totally love me.
My human liked this idea so we walked and I peed and the stupid scale at PFE still got it freaking wrong! Even completely naked & peeless, the dumb scale still said I supposedly weigh 26lbs.
I mean, does this look like a 26lb waist to you??
No. It doesn't. Because last time I got on a scale and weighed 26lbs I had NO waist at all. How can I be shaped different and still weigh the same?? I mean, unless Augustus was right and my new waistiness is really just a dent from Frank's nonstop humping, I must weigh less than before. Right?
So I told my human the scale at PFE must be broken. She suggested we weigh Dutch to test it out because he never gets fat. I was kinda worried when he stepped on the scale and weighed 67 not-fat lbs... until the scale changed its mind to 68.4... and then 69.8! According the the scale, skinny-necked Dutch got 2.8lbs fatter in like two minutes.
When one little pound is all that stands between you and a Baconator, the scale you're standing on better know what it's doing. The stupid scale at PFE obviously doesn't have a clue and cannot be trusted. My human couldn't really argue with me on that.
On Wednesday, we re-weigh.