|I bounce for bacon.|
Here's how it works:
Step One: pathetic = bacon
Gimp around and look pathetic. Extrapathetic when my human is watching - especially if we are in or near the kitchen. Y'know, just in case there's some bacon in there I don't know about.
Step Two: effort = bacon
Make it seem like I'm trying reeeeeally hard to be skinny. Chew, don't inhale. Leave a few crumbs in the bowl. Or maybe just one crumb.
Step Three: bouncing = bacon
Exercise more, or at least pretend to. I'm not allowed to run around or even walk much - but I can still hop around on the stupid bouncing thing my human uses to wake up her brain. It's not hard, but I don't think she knows that.
My human was pretty impressed with the bouncing, but I don't think she noticed the ginormous breakfast crumb I left in my bowl. Looking pathetic got me out of walking to the park this morning, but I still haven't gotten any bacon.
If Pathetic + Effort + Bouncing doesn't = Bacon, what does???