NASTY SALTY PIG PART

Ok. So, we get to the place with the pig parts. Bacon-a-loni or whatever. And me and Dutch have to wait outside while my human fetches us some pig. She ties us up with a security dude and a lady with a million bikes to give away or something. No idea. I was too busy thinking about tasty salty pig parts to care.

Five minutes go by. No pig. Another five minutes. Ten minutes. Still no pig. Just when I'm starting to get really worried, my human finally shows up with a plate. Apparently miss gimpy brain couldn't find the million bikes she parked us next to.

But whatever. She came back with a plate. Full of pig! Or, uh... 

ME: what part of the pig is THAT?!?
HUMAN: it's salty and tasty, you'll love it.
ME: but it doesn't look anything like bacon.
HUMAN: maybe this is better than bacon.

Of course nothing is better than bacon. But when my human was splitting the mystery thing in half and said "ew, gross" I figured whatever was on that plate must be awesome. Right?

Wrong. So wrong.

nasty! nasty! nasty!

Yes it was salty. But definitely NOT tasty. At all. The thing was slimy and rubbery and snotty and so ridiculously gross, I couldn't get it out of my mouth fast enough. Dutch spit his half out too and kinda freaked out when it got stuck to the bottom of his foot.

The security dude and bike lady thought this was all very funny. So did my human, except I think she felt kinda bad too. She really thought I would love whatever nasty part of the pig was on that plate.

Take it from me, if anyone ever tells you something might be "better than bacon" - don't fall for it. Send the plate back and ask for the real stuff instead. And if you have any idea what nasty salty pig part that is, please let me know!