SO PEE'D OFF!

So, the vet called yesterday with the results of Dutch's pee test. They did this thing called a culture to make sure the drugs they gave him would kill the stuff that made his pee tube sick.

Well. After my human hung up with the vet, I heard her talking to Miley's mom about the test results. A lot of it didn't make sense to me, but here's how it went:

MY HUMAN: Eeew. Dutch's culture came back.
MILEY'S MOM: - - (she was on the phone so I couldn't hear her)
MY HUMAN: It showed E Coli.
MILEY'S MOM: - -
MY HUMAN: Yes, like in poop. Gross right? The vet said it's the most common cause of dog UTI's. They can pick it up by drinking water, eating grass, pretty much anywhere. But it's still gross.

And what does this have to do with me?

When Dutch heard my human eeeew'ing and talking about how gross his germs are, he got all weird and embarrassed about it. Next thing you know, he's spilling the beans about my poop stash!!

But Pug hides poop in the bushes by the fence and the middle of the night when you're asleep he goes outside and HE EATS IT!

What the --- dude!?!

My poop stash had nothing to do with Dutch's pee tube germs, but my human totally freaked out. She cleaned out all the bushes and sprayed everything with this stuff that smells like shampoo and kills germs. And poop, apparently.

I have no idea why Dutch narced on me, but he completely ruined months of pooping and stashing.

BUGS

I know some of you - uhm, I mean us - are on diets so I'll stop talking about food. Well, except to say that the No Recipe cookie book is coming out awesome (there's still time!). Oh, and to give you an update on the SPAM situation:

I almost got a thumbs up from The Thumbs by telling her that SPAM is just Hawaiian for meat (genius, Noodles!). But then Dutch laughed, called me a dumb American and said they speak English in Hawaii, not Hawaiian. Duh. I know that, but my human is blonde and has a gimpy brain. Who knows what she knows.

So, I'm still working on the SPAM. The expiration date on the package says January 18, 2014 so I guess I have some time to make it happen.

Sorry, enough about food.

Let's talk about bugs instead. Yeah, bugs. That's what landed us in the bath tub this morning. My human found a tick stuck to her leg and she totally freaked out. Since me and Dutch have been hiking and she hasn't, she's convinced we're full of bugs. Called us "dirty little vectors". Uhm, hello! I had a tick stuck to my face and I didn't freak out and call anyone a vector.

Even though I didn't know what "vector" meant, I could tell by the way she said it, it wasn't nice. Google says a vector transmits a pathogen, which I think just means something that makes people get sick. Nice huh?

My human is *finally* almost back to feeling almost human and is supersick of being sick, so we got a bath to get rid of the bugs. I totally don't think me and Dutch are vectors. But baths=cookies, so if my human wants to think I'm full of bugs and diseases, I'm OK with that.

MOTHER OF ALL MEATS?

Woo hoo! We got a bunch of No-Recipes yesterday, so it looks like our cookie book won't have to be a -let. Keep 'em coming! And remember: I like to eat poo. Most dogs I know like to eat poo. So your No-Recipe doesn't have to be perfect. It just has to taste as good as poo.

Anyway.

I've hit a major obstacle with my No-Recipe, and it's called my human. Since she isn't good at meat, and The Man lives at the House of Meat, I figured he could pick out a reeeallllly Special (meaty) Ingredient for me.

I knew The Man wouldn't bring me something lame like carrots, but you have no idea how excited I got when he brought over a package of what he called "the Mother of all Meats".

AKA: SPAM.

And that's when the trouble started. It went a little like this:

MY HUMAN: SPAM? No freaking way.
ME: Uhm, yes way!
THE MAN: But it's the Lite kind. 50% less fat. 33% fewer calories.
ME: Yes! Low fat! Low calorie! SPAM is good!
MY HUMAN: But it's still SPAM.
ME: But it's low fat SPAM!
THE MAN: Pug eats feces and you're worried about SPAM??
MY HUMAN: Yes.

And that's how they left it. The Man says SPAM isn't any worse than a hotdog, but my human just keeps saying No freaking way. I don't even know what SPAM is, but now I totally want some. Especially if my human thinks it's grosser than poo.

Anyone here ever eaten SPAM, Mother of all Meats, and lived to tell about it?? Please speak now so my human will let me put it in my cookies!

JUJU BITES

Big fat thanks to everyone who sent me a No-Recipe! Right now our cookie-book is more like a booklet, so my human said I can give everyone a few more days to send in their stuff (details here). Like, say, until Wednesday night.

Because Dutch got violated at the vet, he got to make up his No-Recipe first. We used up most of the flour and stuff when we made the hotdog cookies, and my human didn't feel up to going to the store, so we did a thing called "improvising".

I'm pretty sure that's just a fancy word for making stuff up as you go along.

So we raided the cabinets and Dutch picked out his ingredients. He's not supposed to eat much meat (the whole stone/Dalmatian thing), but he was feeling pretty icky so my humans said OK to some chicken broth as his Special Ingredient. Except last time she bought broth, she got chicken + rice soup by mistake, so we used that instead.

The oats, Cheerios, Booty, Parmesan cheese, apple, chicken + rice soup and some garlic all went into the choppy thing. A bunch of noise later, we had a very weird goopy-but-fluffy dough.

My human rolled the dough into aerodynamic balls for easy swallowing, stuck them in the oven, and 30 minutes later we had cookies. Dutch says the official name for them is "Juju Bites" and they are suuuupertasty. Don't worry - the whole No Recipe will be in our book/booklet.

I'm still working on my No-Recipe. I just can't decide what Special Ingredient to use. I totally want it to be bacon, but I don't think I can talk my human into doing that ever again. Even for this. Dutch took the San Antonio pugs' advice on cheese and his cookies are awesome.

I totally want my cookies to be even better than Dutch's. Any ideas??

THE WAND GURU

Dutch, about to be violated.

So, everyone was really worried yesterday when Dutch couldn't pee. Something about him being a Dalmatian and a boy made the no-pee situation really scary. Luckily, my spotted friend Miley's mom was able to get Dutch an appointment with some magic-wand guru named Dr. Koga. Dr. Koga fixed Miley's brother Boka when he had a stone stuck in his pee tube, and her wand (technical term: ultrasound) would know if Dutch was full of stones or not.

So we all drove through a huge rain storm to a really cool place called Adobe Animal Hospital. I got to go because Miley+Boka's mom loves me. And because Dr. Koga has a pug. My buddy Bouncer also said something about getting "violated" at a vet once because of stones. I didn't exactly know what he meant by "violated", but if someone was going to do it to Dutch, I totally wanted to watch.

Anyway.

When we got there, they put Dutch on his back on a special table. He wasn't a huge fan of this idea so it took four people to get him up there. Dr. Koga did her thing with the wand and everyone got all excited about something called a bladder.

Then things got a little... weird.

Dr. Koga took out this really long tube and stuck it INTO Dutch's pee hole. Yeah. Like, all the way in there. Dutch didn't seem to care but it freaked. me. out. I stopped watching after that, so I'm not sure what happened next - but everyone got reeeeally excited when the tube made it to the bladder.

No idea. All I know is Dutch doesn't have stones, but the results of his pee test just came back and he does have a really bad infection. "An infection on steroids", my human said. Don't ask me what that means, but I think it has something to do with the anti-itching wonderdrug because he's not supposed to take that anymore.

So.... thank you all soooo much for sending Dutch such awesome juju. I know it made a huge difference.

PS: Try to make some No Recipes over the weekend! We need them soon. I know I'm working on mine....

PPS: Thanks Miley's mom for taking today's picture of Dutch + my human... but no thanks for making me get on the scale at Adobe!

JUJU EMERGENCY!

Phoebe + Zoey were right yesterday - the TV people won't be coming to my neighborhood on Sunday, which means I won't be coming to your living rooms. I bet that Britney chick found out about our Plans and was afraid I'd show up and ruin her big performance or whatever. I mean, seriously. Who'd watch her if I was there?

Anyway.

As bummed as I am about that, I'm superworried about Dutch. I hate to keep asking for juju, but I think we need some.

Like, now.

The weird scratching is still totally gone and that's cool, but last night he started having problems with his pee. Sometimes he'd try to pee, but the pee wouldn't come. I guess this can be a ridiculously big deal if you're a Dalmatian - something about stones getting stuck?

Except for the pee thing, Dutch seems OK so my human took some of his pee to the vet this morning. We're waiting on the test results and hoping for infection and not stone stuff.

You'll know more when I do. Until then, please send brother Dutchie some serious good juju!!

A, B, C and maybe D

Whoa. Huge thanks to Sammy for finding a way to talk to the GMA people... and some more thanks to everyone who talked!

Plan A is now officially covered. I can't wait to be in your living room!

Just in case we need a Plan B, I did some recon yesterday. If the TV people don't come looking for me, I might need a way to sneak up on them. Turns out there really aren't many places to hide on the sidewalk. I found a plant but it wasn't big enough to hide me.

But I did find a lot of these sign things. They make really good hiding places, but my human said the TV people will probably take them away when Brittney comes. Maybe they're afraid people will be too busy eating Turkey Burgers (with fries!?!?) to watch Brittney dance? I don't even know what a frie is, but I know I'd be inside eating it.

Dutch actually came up with a pretty good Plan C. He said there's this guy here in SF called the Bush Man who hides behind a fake, uh, bush (?) in the middle of the sidewalk and then jumps out at people to scare them. Since there are no bushes on the sidewalk, I should just make my own. Like the Bush Man (minus the scaring people part).

Ok, I thought Dutch was just being weird, but Google says it's totally true:

The Bush Man usually sets up camp on the sidewalk of Fisherman’s Warf, a classic San Francisco tourist spot, where he spends his days frightening unassuming tourists from behind a homemade “bush” that consists of leafy tree branches. Although his costume is makeshift and pretty minimal, he has a huge impact. Clueless passersby often jump and scream (and then give the Bush Man a few dollars) with surprise. (read more)

Photo courtesy of Travis Jensen SF (cc)

So we now have Plan A, B and maybe C (if I can convince my human to make me a bush costume). Do you think we need any more plans?? Because if we do, remember that notice thingy the TV people stuck to our door to tell us about filming? Well, there's a local phone number on it for someone called a location manager. Maybe they can help me get in your living room? ?

OPERATION GMA

All I can say is thanks for not laughing at Dutch's pink, fuzzy collar. I guess when your neck is that skinny, you can wear anything. Even if dudes can wear pink, I think I'm more of a skull + crossbones kinda guy.

Anyway.

The TV people will be here in my neighborhood on Sunday to film that Good Morning show. That means we've only got 5 DAYS to figure out a way to get me on TV. You were all totally right about them coming here to film Brittney Spears, so I thought maybe I could hide in the bushes and, like, ambush her or something.

I'm sure they'd put that on TV, right??

But then I re-read the notice thing we found stuck to our door. It says the TV thing will be happening right up the street from our house and there aren't any bushes there to hide in. Besides, sometimes when you hide in plants things stick to your eyeballs and that kinda sucks.

I asked Google to tell me more about this Brittney Spears person and I guess she sings and dances and stuff. My human makes us listen to the radio all the time and NPR has never played any of Brittney's songs. That means she must not be very good, right??

So now I'm thinking maybe I should just make a break for the stage and try to upstage her. I can't sing, but I can dance (remember the cabbage patch?). I can also swallow an entire hotdog without chewing. Let's see Brittney Spears do that!

What do you think? I really really really want to be in your living rooms! I just need a plan. Am pretty sure I need a Plan B too. And maybe even a Plan C. If any of those plans can involve finding a cart full of food, that'd be even better.

HOLY SUPER JUJU!

Hi everybody! I know Pug said he'd be here to talk about Operation TV, but I made him let me hijack the blog so I could thank you for sending me so much good juju!

I've been 150% scratch-free for 3 days!!! I have not been scratch free in years.

YEARS! YEEEEEARS!

We spent the weekend at the House of Meat and The Man took us on 3 very long hikes. Still no scratching. We ran and played and ran some more. Noooo scratching!! It used to feel like bees were attacking my shoulder whenever I walked, but now I feel... nothing. Normal! No bees! All because of the juju. And the new wonderdrug, I guess. But I know all the juju you sent must have helped.

My human says this isn't the end, that I can't stay on the wonderdrug forever. But I have so much good juju, it might not even matter. All thanks to you :)

PS:
Pug will be here tomorrow. Please don't tell him I let you see a picture of me wearing the pink furry collar. Miley's mom got it for me because it was too "girly" for Miley, but it's my favorite. Pug says it's embarrassing, but I think he just hates it because it makes my neck look even skinnier.

November 20, 2008

Ugh. The thumbs (aka my human) was totally down for the count today. So instead of a Freeze Frame Friday, I'm doing one of those Flashback things. Not having my own thumbs really does suck sometimes. Y'know?

Anyway.

I have no idea why, but my human didn't take many pictures of me when I was a puppy. Weird huh? Yeah. But I did find this ridiculously cute baby-me from November 20, 2008. I was almost 5 months old and had only been with Dutch and my human for a few days. I'd lived on a farm up until then so the whole beach thing was totally new to me. And so. much. fun.

It was the first of many fun days...

Try to make up some No-Recipes this weekend if you can. I'll be back first thing Monday morning because we've got some serious, top-secret plotting to do. I think it would be totally cool to show up in all your TVs (even in Poland and Canada!). And if there might be a cart full of Food like they have when filming happens in Berlin, I've got to be there.

GOOD MORNING AMERICA?

Superhuge thanks everyone for sending so much good juju. We just got home from the vet and now Dutch has some pills my human learned about from Google. I guess humans take the pills to kill inflammation and make trapped nerves less angry. Hopefully it will fix Dutch too. Paws crossed.

OK. Now that we've maybe fixed Dutch, check this out:

It was stuck to our door this morning. No idea who stuck it there, or why - but see that word Filming? It means cameras. And I'm pretty sure ABC is a TV thing, so not just any cameras. We're talking TV cameras.

Cameras = cookies and I'm sure TV cameras probably = loads of cookies. So March 27th could be awesome. If I can figure out a way to get my camera-fearing human to leave the house that day. But if I can pull it off, I might come to your house through the TV!

Uhm, unless you live in Canada. Or Brazil. Or Poland. Or anywhere else not in America.

CALLING ALL GOOD JUJU!

Ok, so I know I kinda sorta sometimes like to make fun of brother Dutch a little. It's not because I don't love him or anything. He can just be suuuuch a wimp sometimes. And his neck is skinny. And no matter how much he eats it stays skinny and that's just so not fair.

Oh, and he also likes pink.

But even with skinny neck or wimpiness, he's still my brother and I love him. And right now I'm kinda worried because tomorrow he's going to the vet (again) to have his weird shoulder thing looked at (again). Trips to the vet are always a little scary. Last time they told me I was fat!

(If you don't know about Dutch's bad chip, here's the whole story).

Anyway. I want Dutch and his skinny pink-loving spotted neck to get better and be 100% healthy and happy. So I need everyone to think superpositive and send some good juju his way. Ok? Thanks!

NO RECIPES

Sorry about all the leakage I've been causing lately. I really don't like it when humans leak, so today let's talk about something 100% leak-free.

Food!

And by food I mean cookies. But not just any cookies. Our cookies. Y'know, like you and me.

Nothing against Bubba Rose's awesome recipes, but we all know how some humans feel about recipes. And grocery shopping. And certain ingredients. Like bacon grease. So I thought it'd be cool to do our own cookie-making book. One with supereasy recipes full of -ishes (like 1 cup-ish of water, etc) and made from whatever's lying around the kitchen.

The Daily Puglet No-Recipe Cookiebook!!

So. Break your diets and start cooking because this cookiebook needs your favorite No-Recipes. And Kitty No-Recipes too!

OK. Even though this is a No-Recipe book, there are some rules. Well, some shoulds.

Your No-Recipe should be:

1. Made from ingredients you have in your kitchen right now.
Because some kitchens (like ours) are superlame, you can add one superspecial ingredient from the store.

2. Easy to make (-ishes and good!)

3. Supertasty.

Send your no-recipe along with a picture to dailypuglet[at]gmail.com. A picture of your cute self would be supercool, but you can send a picture of your cookie, of your special ingredient, of your toes - doesn't matter. Just make sure you send a picture (and please just one so my human doesn't have to agonize over which one to pick).

Be sure to:

• give your No-Recipe a really cool name
  
• tell us who made it up
  
• where you're from (optional)
• what inspired the No-Recipe (optional)
  

No-Recipe deadline: Monday March 28th.

My human will put all your recipes together in an online-booky thing (PDF) so everyone can read + taste them. And I'll share the booky-thing with everyone here on April 1st.

SILENCE

Scary sign I saw last Friday.

I know you probably all know about what's happening in Japan. Y'know, with the earthquake. And the tsunami. And the scary nuke things that might melt. Yeah. All that stuff.

Well, this morning I heard a Japan man on the radio say it's night #4 without food or water or blankets. I don't want to leak everyone out or anything, but this made me so sad. So sad.

Let's have some silence for everyone who got hurt (or worse) by the earthquake/tsunami in Japan. Ready? 1, 2, 3... shhhh.



I'm pretty sure I'll be past the 25lb mark next time I get on the scale, so I asked my human to donate this month's cookie money to the people in Japan. There are like a gazillion ways to donate, from facebook to itunes - but we used our phone. We sent a text message that said JAPAN to 80888 to make a $10 donation to the Salvation Army.

If you want to donate but don't do the text thing, here's a list of ways to donate online. If you don't have extra cookie money to donate, that's ok. Maybe you can send heaps of positive thoughts to Japan instead.

I wanted to send the people of Japan some Nathan's hot dogs too, but my human said hot dogs need to be refrigerated and the Japan man on the radio said they don't have electricity either.

FFF: secret ingredient

The secret ingredient in my cookies was sooooooooooo supertasty, I thought it deserved a whole entire post of its own. Can you guess what it is?



I'll be back later to tell you all about it...

* * * LATER * * *

Congratulations Ollie, Phoebe/the Oregon 5, Ann, Frodo, Molly & Cleo - you totally guessed right. The superspecial secret ingredient was a hot dog. A Nathan's famous-since-1916, bigger-than-the-bun, skinless hot dog.

Uhm. Can you say ridiculously tasty??

I can. Even with a mouth full of Nathan's.

I guess my human was [quote] horrified by the bacon (and its grease) and thought hot dogs were like bacon. Only less gross. And in a tube. She's not very good at meat and kinda got the like-bacon part wrong because I guess bacon is made from pork and Nathan's hot dogs are made from beef. But whatever. Nathan's are AMAZING and make cookies taste AMAZING.

One other thing my human got wrong is how to use a hot dog to make cookies. She thought it'd be OK to just throw them in the choppy-thing with everything else.

Bad idea.

So. If you do convince your human to put hot dogs in your cookies, make sure they put the hot dogs in the choppy-thing and smush them up first. Or cut them up small, and then put them in the choppy thing. Trust me. There will be much less swearing and fewer eeeeew!! gross!!-es.

Don't try this at home.

Oh. In case you're wondering, the cookies taste just as ridiculous as that hot dog I inhaled in the video (good call, SA pugs). My human is still afraid of actual recipes, but here's how she made my cookies:

Nathan Cookies

1 scoop(ish)* oat flour
1 scoop(ish) normal flour
1 handful oats
2 hot dogs (any kind, but Nathan's ingredients are less scary)
1 almost-full 11 oz. bottle of carrot juice
A few shakes of garlic powder**

Put everything but the carrot juice in a choppy thing and chop it a few times. Learn from our mistake: chop the hot dogs first! Then add carrot juice (or some kind of liquid) a little at a time and chop some more. Stop when you get something doughy looking. Our dough was very thick and sticky. Think: spackle.

Cover your hands and table with flour. Have fun trying to get the spackle-dough out of the choppy thing. Make the spackle-dough into two balls. Roll one ball out flat (freeze the other for later). Cut into shapes or squares, or shape squares into balls for easy swallowing.

Put scary tinfoil on a baking sheet. Put your cookie shapes on the scary tinfoil and stick everything into a hot oven. Take them out before they turn too brown.
Let cool before inhaling.

Notes:

* 1 scoop equals about 1 1/2 cups. Ish.

** garlic is optional. My human added it to keep the cookies from making her hands smell like hot dogs. She is weird.

GUILT = COOKIES

Uh oh. I just remembered it's March. And it's been March for 10 whole days and I haven't told you about this month's Bubba Rose recipe.

I hope it's not mean to say it's all Dice-Puppy-Whatever's fault because even though he's at his new home, I think I'm still supposed to be nice. But it's totally his fault.

Anyway. One good thing about having to share your everything with a homeless puppy is you can totally guilt your human into baking you some cookies. You all know how much my human hates baking stuff, but last night we baked! Well, more like she baked and I just watched and waited for stuff to fall on the floor. But when it was over there were cookies.

I haven't gotten my human to actually make one of the Bubba Rose recipes. Yet. She says recipes are scary and mostly just uses stuff we have in the house, but the cookies are still yummy. Last night's cookies had a superspecial secret ingredient. It wasn't bacon, but it was close. I'll tell you all about that tomorrow. For now, here's an actual recipe...

From the Bubba Rose Organic Dog Biscuit Cookbook:

Luck of the Irish Wolfhound

1 c. oat flour
1 c. brown rice flour
1 1/2 c. tightly packed spinach leaves
1/2 c. grated Parmesan cheese
1/2 c. oat bran
1/4 tsp garlic powder
1 egg
1/2 c. water

* * *

Preheat oven to 350 Puree the spinach leaves in a food processor until smooth. Combine all ingredients together and mix until a dough forms. Roll out on a lightly floured surface to 1/4" thickness. Use a shamrock shaped cookie cutter (or a knife) to cut out the shapes.

Place on an ungreased cookies sheet (they can be close together as they don't grown much while cooking). Bake 20-25 minutes. Transfer and let cool completely on wire rack. Store the cookies in an airtight container in the refrigerator.

GOODBYE! I LOVE YOU.

Hi internet! It's me, Dice. Or whatever my name is. The scary little brown dog said I could be here again so I could tell you something.

I'm not homeless anymore!

I'm going to live with two big people and two little people and best of all another spotted dog just like me. No more scary little brown ones. Woo hoo!

Thank you for being nice to me. I love you. And thank you everyone who helps make homeless dogs not homeless. I love you twice.

The little brown dog will be here later to tell you things too.

Bye!

* * *

See, no poodle.

Hey everybody, it's me. Y'know, the scary little brown dog?? That me.

I'm superglad Puppy-Dice-Whatever found humans and a home of his own. And I'm not just saying that because I'm glad he's leaving. I mean, I am kinda glad he's leaving. But I'm even more glad he found a home because now there's one less homeless dog in the world. And that's a good thing.

Before we go back to all Puglet, all the time, I want everyone to know that I really did listen to what you said about being nice to Puppy-Dice-Whatever. I was totally nice to him!

I let him sleep on my bed. On my couch. On my human's lap. I didn't go poodle on him for going near Nikon. Not once. I didn't even laugh when he fell into the freezing cold ocean and sank - and that was really funny. Like, ridiculously funny.

So I don't know why Puppy-Dice-Whatever thinks I'm scary. Because I'm totally not. Most of the time.

LEAKY + ANGRY

Part sad, part mad.

Sorry for making everyone leak yesterday. I've never been homeless, but me and Dutch were both recycled so it was really cool to hear about all the humans who do things to help with the recycling. My human says every little thing counts because even little things can make a huge difference

Oh. And superthanks Ollie-the-generous-Canadian-beagle for making a donation in my honor. Huge!

Anyway. Right now I'm feeling half leaky/half angry, but about something totally different. Today's leaky-anger-ness is about the National Park people. It's a superlong story and since some of you live in places like New Jersey and Poland and Brazil and Texas, I won't tell the whole entire story (you can read about it here).

The supershort version is this:

The National Park people want to change the rules for a lot of our local fun places. Right now, the rules say dogs are OK. Off-leash dogs are OK. But the new rules say leashes. Or no dogs at all. And it sucks.

OCEAN BEACH, soon to be leashed?

These are places we go all the time. All the pictures you've seen of me and Dutch having fun off-leash? Taken at these places. But if the Park people get their way, you'll be seeing a lot less fun because we'll be spending the rest of lives on the end of a 6-foot leash.

Unless we go to the dog park and get beat up (which is what happens whenever I go to the dog park).

FORT FUNSTON, soon to be un-Fun?

The whole thing makes me very sad. And mad too. I got an email from another sad/mad SF pug who lives near one of the soon-to-be-unfun places and he asked if I could do something to help. We already wrote a letter to let the Park people know their new rules suck. I totally want to change the world and really want to do something more, but what?

I know my human will let me use the power of Nikon or the video thingy, but I don't know what to do with them. I need some serious ideas, or my days of running free might be totally over soon.

CRISSY FIELD, soon to be dog-free?

REALITY CHECK

You've probably noticed that we haven't had many adventures lately. So when my human said we were going to a special place over the weekend, I was superexcited. Of course I had no idea where we were going or what we'd do once we got there, but I figured it was better than being at home and sharing my bed with Puppy.

I was so wrong.

Because my human took us to a place where homeless dogs live. She goes there to take cute pictures so people can see the dogs on the internet and want to adopt them. The place was huge and I could hear like a million different barks from inside.

A million homeless barks.

I kinda wanted to stay in the car, but my human wanted me to meet some 'old timers'. I thought 'old-timers' meant old, so I thought I'd meet some old dogs. But I guess 'old-timers' can also mean dogs who've been at the homeless place for a long time.

Like, a LONG time.

This made me so sad. I had no idea homelessness could last that long, and the dogs I met were super cool too. Why are they still homeless?? Like this guy, Lucas. He's cute and friendly and sits when he's told. Been at the homeless place since June. June?!?

LUCAS

And this girl named Penny. You should have seen her work it for Nikon. She's like a total supermodel. Ridiculously good with the sit/down/stay stuff too.

PENNY

And this dude. His name is Marble and he's been at the homeless place for a year. The guy's got crazy tongue moves and is still homeless. How does that work??

MARBLE

I think my human took me to the homeless place so I'd be nicer to Puppy. And if that was her plan, it totally worked. I'm not giving him my home, but I can let him use my bed and toys and stuff until he finds one of his own.

BIG FAT TASTE OF KARMA

Thanks for trying to help me understand the whole Karma thing. Your explanations were much better than Google's and waaay nicer than Dutch's. Because you know what Dutch really meant when he told me about Karma?

He didn't mean be nice to Puppy because I might get cookies for it someday. Or, be nice to Puppy because if I don't I might come back later as a bug. No. What he meant is that I'm getting a "big fat taste" of Karma right now. And its name is Puppy. Or Dice. Or whatever.

Because I guess when I came along, Dutch had to share his whole entire universe with me because I was homeless and a puppy. And now I have to share my whole universe with Dice. Because he's homeless and a puppy.

And that is Karma.

As you can see by how much couch I got in today's picture, I'm being pretty nice to Puppy. Just in case Karma might give me cookies. And because I don't want to come back later as a bug. However that works.

KARMA?

Hey everyone. I'm back! Sorry for not being here yesterday, but my human made me let Puppy or Dice or whatever hijack the internet. Like it isn't bad enough I have to share my bed, my food, my toys and my human's love with the guy. I know he's homeless and everything, but...

Anyway. Thanks for being so nice. I'm trying to be nice, but Puppy likes Dutch more than me anyway so I'm not going to try too hard. Dutch said before I get all disgruntled about having to share my entire world with Puppy, I should ask Google about something called Karma. So I did. And Google said this:

Karma is the law of moral causation

Uhm. Yeah. Not exactly helpful.

1. I don't know what that means.
2. I don't know what it has to do with me.
3. I don't know how Dutch knows something I don't. I'm the smart one!

Can anyone help me out here??

HELLO? I LOVE YOU!

Hello? Uhm. Internet? I love you! The Lady said I could say things to you today because I'm not staying here for long. Uh. And. Uh. Because I am a puppy. And I am homeless!

The little brown dog with the weird face isn't happy I'm talking to you. But The Lady told me I should so I'm doing what she says. She's been teaching me to listen to People and sometimes I get food when I listen. So I'm listening.

The little brown dog is a little scary.

I think My name is Dice. The Lady calls me Puppy. I don't know why but I love her so she can call me Puppy if she wants. She can call me anything and I will still love her.

I love everyone but I don't have People of my own. And I am homeless? The Lady made me promise I would tell you that. I hope you know what homeless means. I love the Lady. And Food. Spotted dogs. And playing. And chasing things.

Today I chased a duck. Yesterday I met the ocean. Sometimes I sleep in a box but I like to cuddle better. Riding in the car makes me feel icky.

Today I found a secret hole in the door. Now I can go outside when I want to. It was raining but I am not afraid of being wet. I'm supposed to pee out where it rains. I get a cookie and love when I pee in the right place.

Uh oh. Here comes the scary little brown dog. Ok. Bye internet. I love you!

Your friend,

Dice. Or Puppy. Or anything you want to call me.

LITTLE SPOTTED PROBLEM

It's the first day of a new month, so I should be telling you about a Bubba Rose cookie recipe. Except we have a little problem. A little spotted problem.

I'm not sure who he is, where he came from or when he's going to go back there. But he's a little bigger than me, a lot smaller than Dutch, and I think he's come to eat all our food.

I'll let you know more when I know more....

* * UPDATE * *

I know more and this is what I know:

1. His name is Puppy. Or Dice. Or maybe both.
2. His butt smells nothing like Dutch's so I don't think they're related.
3. He really likes Dutch.
4. I don't think he really likes me.
5. Humans go gaga over him.
6. He really is eating all our food.
7. He does not know how to Jimmy. Or how to sit.

And best of all...

8. He is only temporary.