My human was supposed to let me have her thumbs last night after dinner. Except she fell asleep watching some dude named Lance
Anyway, it's probably a good thing I didn't get to finish my blog yesterday. Things weren't going so good....
MY HUMAN: don't you waggle at me.
ME: I'm trying to say sorry.
MY HUMAN: you wouldn't have to say sorry if you'd just STOP EATING FREAKING POO!
ME: (says nothing, tries to look pathetic)
MY HUMAN: stop orbing at me.
That's as far as we got. She threw a blanket over my head when I didn't stop orbing at her, then fell asleep. I'm lucky I didn't suffocate under there or something.
I've been stuck on the end of a leash for weeeeeeks because of the poo. Do you know how boring it is to walk three feet away from a human? Well, it's BORING. So I begged to be free. I said please so many times my human got sick of saying no.
She made me promise I'd be good so of course I promised. I didn't know I'm the only dog in our whole entire neighborhood who eats park poo. And without me around to suck it down, the park would be full of it. Aged poo. New Poo. Too much poo to be good.
So I was bad. Three times.
The first time I pretended not to hear when my human called my name. The second time I grabbed some poo and hid behind a tree. The third time I ran away with a full mouth and pretended my human wasn't screaming her head off like a crazy person. At me.
On the way home from the park she just kept saying you are so gross. Over and over and over again.
Dutch snarfed down half a muffin in front of 7-11 and all my human said was Duuuutch! Life is so not fair.