LAND SHARK

Lately I've been working on my Labrador mouth-meat attack technique. The sit-and-wait approach I told you about (y'know, the one that only works for ugly fish and lizards?) got me nowhere, so I've been exploring other methods.

As usual, Animal Planet has been a huge source of inspiration: Cheetahs. Piranha. Black Mambas. Tarantulas. They all seemed promising. But the Cheetah method only works if you can run as fast as a car. Piranha-style attacks require lots of willing accomplices; all I have is brother Dutch and he's not into it. Black Mambas rely on this stuff called "venom" which I don't think I have and don't really want 1) because it can kill things (despite outward appearances, I'm a peaceful pug) and 2) all the venomous animals I've ever seen are real creepy looking. The Tarantula approach had the most potential: use large fangs to trap the victim. Ok - I've got teeth, I can do that. Except they also "shower their victim's body with digestive juices, then lap up the resulting fluid". WHAT? Now that's just gross. Even to a pug.

I was feeling real discouraged, ready to give up my dream of catching the elusive mouth-meat. Then, during a re-run of "Untamed and Uncut", I found my muse: The Great White Shark.

Apparently there's a lot I can learn a lot from Jaws -- the shark's hunting technique varies by what's being hunted. Their primary strategy is "ambush" - taking their prey by surprise from below. But attacks can also come from above or behind when hunting dolphins (this helps the shark stay off the dolphin radar). Great Whites are also surprisingly acrobatic and can leap high out of the water to surprise its prey.

I've been working on perfecting my "ambush", but no luck so far. Am sure if I try all the Great White's hunting strategies, one is bound to work.... Right?