I like poo. But I also like my human. Thing is, there's like this voice. And it's so much louder than my human's - even when she's screaming her head off like a crazy person. So when she's yelling LEAVE IT!!! at me, all I hear is The Voice. And The Voice says EAT ME.
HUMAN: so you're saying the poo talks to you?
ME: yes, that's what I'm saying.
HUMAN: ok... well... you could just ignore it.
ME: it's louder than you. I have to listen.
We argued for awhile about how stupid this sounds. Then we argued about ways to make the poo shut up. Bee hat. Remote-controlled collar thingy. On-leash for all of eternity. Those were her ideas. I didn't like any of them.
Google had some ideas to stop me from eating my own poo, but I my poo doesn't talk to me the way stranger poo does. That's when it hit me: my poo doesn't talk to me and neither does Dutch's. What do our poos have in common? They -- uhm, I mean we -- both eat the same food. Maybe our food is making me eat poo!
It totally makes sense, right? I mean, I've been eating the same stupid food for like four years. Maybe my belly just wants something new and is too stupid to know the difference between poo and food. Maybe it's not the poo talking. Maybe it's my stomach.
Besides, the only reason I eat the same stupid food as Dutch is because my human isn't organized enough or whatever to buy more than one bag. Dutch has to eat the stupid food because he's got spots and a sensitive stomach. I don't have either of those things.
Why should I suffer??
I tried explaining this to my human. She thinks it's just a ploy to:
A) get new food or
B) make our own poo eatable
or
C) both
But I guess she felt bad about not talking to me because she said we can try it. Lucky for my stomach, the food bin is almost empty so Miss Gimpy Brain didn't have time to forget about my genius
Woo Hoo!
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18 comments:
Oh, Puglet....I really, really don't think a different food will solve your problem. My dogs get to eat the best dog food ever....Raw....and they still delight in eating deer poop, raccoon poop, horse poop, cat poop, fox poop, goose poop....You get the idea, right? Eating poop is just something dogs do......
You are a pug genius!
Puglet-
I totally think you should get new food. While I don't eat dog poop, I do enjoy the buffet of duck and rabbit poop that is in my Aunt Lily's backyard.
Also an idea to plant in your human's head. Wag.com! That's where my mom just got our food from - she was complaining about some construction by our PetSmart and traffic, so she ordered it online. And the one good thing about having it delivered to you at home is - NO EVIL PETSMART SCALE!
Good luck trying to get new food!
~Mookie
Been there done that.
stella rose
We don't know if it'll work, but we like the idea of new food just 'cause its nice to have variety. And 'cause we don't want you to eat poo anymore.
♥♥♥
Scarlet & Meredith
There's a cat that buries poop in our yard. We dig it up for sport.
You are one lucky pug, Pug. My mom would never, and I really mean NEVER, let me put my head in a whole bag of food. My food gets very carefully measured and mixed with water to rehydrate it. One time, I hit the jackpot and my mom dropped the box of food and it went everywhere- dry, flaky, powdery fish goodness all over the floor.
Anyway, I'm not a poop eater, just a sniffer, so I have no advice for breaking the habit. Humans have support groups for breaking bad habits- maybe check Google for Poo Eaters Anonymous?
Lafayette Lola
Puglet, we totally hear the Voice too!
Amanda-Distract Pug with bacon while you read:
Poo + Ipacac = Poo free Pug.
It sounds awful, but one or two really nasty, self-induced experiences with poo may just turn Pug off the stuff. I don't recall with certainty that Ipacac is safe for pugs, so talk with the vet first, but there's something out there that will make him regret his decision to eat poo for all eternity.
Not every dog in the park gets to eat good food, and we'd hate for Pug to get sick for real!
I eat poo....just saying...don't we all? Now I feel really bad for eating poo...but I doubt I will quit!
Puglet, here's a question you should ask in your quandary of why you eat poo:
Do you eat poo after you've eaten bacon?
It could be as simple as you NEED more BACON in your diet!
Dear Pug,
I only like my big brother's (the cat) poo. His poo has sprinkles on it! I pretent I'm eatting a donut with sprinkles.....YUMMY!
Here are my suggestions for you -
1. If you have to kick the habit maybe you can get a patch. Humans get patches to help them kick habits. Check it out.
2. Maybe you can detox slooooowly, like maybe only 3 poos this week, 2 the next....
3. Check the yellow pages for a 12 step program for poo eatters.
4. Eat fake poo instead. Your human can melt up caob (which us doggies can eat)and shape it into a poo. Humans eat a lot of fake stuff (fake sugar, fake eggs....) and they seem to be doing alright.I can't think of anything else - keep us posted!
Kisses, kisses,
Mercy
PS - Oh, and for the voices in your head my human says you can get drugs for that, but that the voices are much more fun!
Hey Puglet...does Dutch eat poo, too? What does he think of your addiction? I guess if poo were pink, he'd like it better, right?
When's Amanda coming to the Eat Coast? Will you get to each more poo when she's gone?
Puglet, You look REALLY healthy, but my human said that eating poo means that you might have a vitamin deficiency. She said it could mean you need potassium and a bite or two of a banana everyday might help. Also, the poodle down the street only eats his own poo when his human feeds him people food like chicken. Maybe the poo you eat has bacon in it. You might stop if you got more bacon. Just a thought. Phoebe in Oregon
Puglet
Poo eating is a dog thing.
It cannot be changed The Tao even says so--look it up!!
Dear Puglet,
We have a similar problem...Do you know if Ruth still makes the bee hat? or anywhere we can get something similar?
Thanks!
Dear Puglet,
Your little ears look awesomesauce for scritching. I hope that it happens often :)
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