MY NAME IS PUGLET

And I'm a pooaholic. My human says admitting this is the first step to something called recovery which I think is the same thing as not eating any more poo. I think she's been watching too much Intervention, but we had a really bad moment yesterday and my human says I will stay on-leash forever if I don't quit the poo ASAP.

She'll also take away The DP. And I won't get to go to Texas or anywhere else. I REALLY don't want any of those things to happen, so I'm going to do everything I can to kick the poo. Even if it means eating a nasty banana for breakfast (nasty!) and admitting to stuff I'm not 100% guilty of.

So here goes...

I am powerless over poo and this is hurting me and the people I love. Yesterday my human had to throw Droid at me to my stop poo-inhaling. It didn't hurt because she was like 30 feet away and has no aim, but I guess it could have hurt so I guess that counts. Google says I can get sick from eating poo, and I guess that could hurt too.
Being stuck on a leash doesn't exactly hurt but it does totally suck.

I know my human must be hurting at least a little because poo-eating makes her yell and she never yells. I also know she wouldn't throw Droid or cancel yesterday's Daily Puglet unless something was really wrong with her.

Poo is everywhere and hard to resist, but I don't want to hurt anyone. Or lose you. Or spend the rest of eternity on a leash. If anyone here has ever kicked the poo habit, please please please tell me how you did it!

GOODBYE PEAR, HELLO PICO

My human said I need to apologize for grossing out any of the other humans on Friday with all the poo talk. Especially right before lunch. So I'm sorry. But I still say if you've never eaten poo, you don't know what you're missing. Seriously. But I guess the less poo-eaters there are, the more poo there is to eat so don't listen to me.

Anyway. It's insanely crazy here at the Casa right now, but we did see the light of day (and the cows, and the awesome Bill+Susan) on Saturday. On the way to the cows, we drove past the stupid Pear wall and my human said if she had any spare time (and/or a clone) she'd go on Craigslist and wrangle up a bunch of people to paint over it.

I thought that sounded like an awesome idea. But if my human doesn't have time, I don't have thumbs so there wasn't much I could do. Luckily somebody with time (and thumbs and/or a clone) also wanted to get rid of Pear because on Sunday we drove by again and the whole entire wall was green. Not nearly as cool as the happy watermelons, but way better than the evil Pear.

BEFORE:


AFTER:

I was kinda hoping whoever painted the watermelons would come back and make the green wall happy again. I totally thought maybe it could happen. Until we passed by the wall today and saw it's already being repainted. And not with cool new murals, just a stupid new name: Pico 121.

Pico is smaller and cuter and pinker than Pear, but still not very cool. Dutch says Pico will never make people happy the way the watermelons did, even though pink is the best most happiest color on earth (his words not mine). And I kinda have to agree with him. Not about the pink part though. Just about Pico.

THE HUNT

I know humans (or at least my human) thinks eating poo is nasty. Well, I think lettuce is nasty and my human eats that all the time. And what she totally doesn't understand is there's a lot more too poo than just eating it. The best part about poo the hunt.

OK, maybe not the best part. But almost.

Because poo hunting is kinda like playing fetch. It's fun, not always easy and makes walks waaay more interesting. Poo is sneaky. It can't run away but it can hide. Poo in the wild is camouflaged. It's practically invisible in dirt and grass so you have to track it down by smell and tracking things by smell isn't easy when you have no snout.

Poo also likes to hide in grass and plants so even when you do find some, it's not exactly easy to catch. And by catch I mean eat. Separating poo from plant isn't easy, especially when your human is standing there threatening to kill you. I mean, who wants grass in their poo? Not me.

To make hunting even harder, all poo is not the same. Some is totally eatable, some definitely is not. But you won't know this until you track it down and get a good sniff. Humans (or at least mine) freak out when you even sniff poo, so sometimes you get shouted at for no good reason and that kinda sucks.

I won't freak out any of the humans by saying what's its like when you finally do track down a stash of totally eatable poo. Or how it smells. Or tastes. But I will say it is exciting, a little stinky and usually very VERY tasty. Oh, and fun. At least until your human sees you face down in a plant and threatens to kill you for eating poo.

LITTLE BIT AFRAID

I was so excited about Texas and the longhorn pies and flying and meeting everybody that I totally missed something. Something big. Something spotted and big.

Because I might be going to Texas, but Dutch isn't. He's going to Bellatrix's house - which is almost as cool, but he won't be with me and that's not cool at all. I've never not been with Dutch. We've been together every day and every night since I came here. And even though I make fun of him sometimes, I don't know what I'd do without him. Even for a single day. And I'll be in Texas for like seven.

I'm not scared of anything (except that scary noise plastic bags and tin foil make) but I'm a little afraid of being away from Dutch. Not terrified or anything, just a little bit afraid.

SERIOUSLY?

Hey everybody, remember me? Well, I'm back. And even though you totally got sucked into some evil plot to make me feel bad about having a fat neck and eating poo, I still love you.

In my defense, I do have a few things to say about poo. But I'm not going to say them today in case my human freaks out about it. Poo is a four letter word here at Casa de Puglet and I don't want to get grounded or tortured again. Especially since I'll be going to Dallas two weeks from now.

Yep, Dallas. Y'know, the one in Texas. I guess I did such a good job greeting pugs here in San Fran that my human wants me to greet pugs in Texas too. I've never been anywhere but California and Reno, so Texas is practically another planet. I get to fly on an airplane and everything.

So. Freaking. Excited.

And the coolest thing? You all get to come to Texas with me! Here on the DP, anyway. I'm not sure exactly where we're going yet, but I do know one place called Fort Worth has cows. Google says everything is bigger in Texas, so I can't wait to eat some of their extra big and tasty pies. Yumm!