SERIOUSLY EXCITING NEWS

Before moving on to PHASE TWO: interrogation scene, I thought it'd be a good idea to ask Google what the best way to interrogate is. Y'know, since I've never technically interrogated anyone before and my Cheeto-Face doesn't make my human melt the way it used to.

Most of Google's interrogation techniques are waaaay too complicated for a pug with no thumbs to pull off. Except for one: sleep deprivation. Having Frank around makes this technique very easy because his snoring and our midnight wrestling-sessions are already depriving my human of sleep. She won't suspect a thing!

The only thing about sleep deprivation is it takes time, so the interrogation scene won't be happening for a few more days. But I do have some seriously exciting news that you don't have to wait until later to hear. Ready? OK, here it is:

I am officially no longer fat!

That's right. The big fat souvenir from my stay at the House of Meat has been hiked out and starved off of me. And according to the official Pet Smart weigh-in scale, I am now a very slim 24.6 lbs. Woo Hoo!

Since I'm so far below the magic 25lb mark, I thought my human would let me pick out a whole bunch of new treats. But I thought wrong. Even though I'm skinny and made all sorts of begging faces, I was only allowed to get one treat. And it had to be low-fat.

Wah.

My human is totally going to regret this decision when it's time for the interrogation scene.

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED

Phase One went off last night without a hitch. My plan worked perfect and nobody got broken. Frank was kinda freaked out by the whole "call 911" thing and didn't want to do anything he might get in trouble (or shot) for doing. I didn't really want to get in trouble (or shot) either, so I dressed up in a top secret disguise.

The whole thing went down like this: while I hacked into the computer and looked for incriminating stuff, Frank acted as a decoy and pretended to be me. My disguise/Frank's decoy-ing was so good (or my human's brain is so gimpy) no one noticed I was gone. Frank didn't get in any trouble (or shot) and I found LOADS of evidence.

EXHIBIT A

"Diza. Space Needle. Hot Day."

Yup. Seattle. Pictures of pugs. Lots of pugs. Pugs that aren't me. The good news is I didn't see any evidence of bloodshed, so I guess my human isn't a serial killer. The bad news? Uh, my human left me to go "shoot" strange cute pugs in a totally different state. Oh yeah, and she also gave away my food.

EXHIBIT B

"Hendrix. Cookie Toss. Anticipation."

I found lots of other, uh, "exhibits" - but you get the idea. The big question is: now that I know the truth (or at least part of the truth) what should I do about it? Do I go ahead with Phase Two: Interrogation Scene, or should I just forget about Seattle and the stranger pugs and all the food of mine my human gave away?

FRANK WEEK

So, I'd planned on confronting my human with some tough questions this weekend. Y'know, about Seattle, the other pugs, whether or not she's a serial killer. But before I had a chance to spring an interrogation scene on her, she surprsied me with another surprise.

FRANK!

Yup. Frank the Pug is staying with us again. And this time it's for a whole entire week while his people visit where they were born (Indiana), then play this thing called Wheel of Fortune on TV. I'm so glad his humans are world travelers like this because it means I get to have a part-time pug brother. I mean, Dutch is a good brother and everything - but he's not a pug.

I have big plans for Frank Week. Most of them involve major playing, but tonight we'll put the play on hold for a little while. Because tonight is Phase One of Operation No Secrets. With Frank's help, I'm going to break into my human's computer and gather the evidence I need to solve the Seattle/my-human-might-be-a-doggie-serial-killer mystery.

I'm pretty sure you're right about my human not being a dog-shooting serial killer. And I haven't seen a shovel lying around the house or anything. But if tomorrow comes and there's no Daily Puglet, please call 911.

FFF: Rest in Pieces, Henrietta

If you're a regular here on The Daily Puglet, I don't need to explain who Henrietta is. Or how important she is to Dutch. But for anyone who doesn't already know, Henrietta is a rubber chicken in a bikini and she is just about the only thing in the world Dutch gets super-excited about. He LOVES Henrietta.

Dutch isn't the only one who has a thing for rubber bikini-wearing chickens. I find Henrietta kind of hard to resist, and pretty much every dog I've ever met has wanted a piece of her. This can cause major problems for Henrietta (top photo) and even bigger ones for Dutch (below).

Henrietta always comes with us to Pug Sunday and all the pugs totally love her. Dutch is very protective, but he's too much of a wimp to stop other dogs from playing with her. Even if the other dogs are little pugs like me. We took these pictures of me and a pug named Yoshi playing with Dutch's beloved Henrietta at last weekend's PugSun. It was Henrietta's last.

Yesterday morning Henrietta lost her head on the beach near the big orange bridge. It happened just after sunrise when a weimaraner we've never met before stole her from Dutch. By the time our humans got involved, it was too late. Henrietta was already in pieces.

My human said there will always be more rubber chickens (I think this was Henrietta #6), but that doesn't mean we're not sad to see Henrietta go.

THE SECRET

Alright, I suck at keeping secrets. And I'm sorry if this freaks anyone out, but this is the conversation I had with Lily (that's Lily up there in today's picture)...

ME: So, do you know how our people know each other?
LILY: Yes! They met a few weeks ago in a saddle.
ME: Uhhhhhh. You mean, in Seattle?
LILY: Duh, that's what I said! Saddle! Where they make the coffee.

The coffee? That kinda confused me, so we went back and forth for awhile before I was 100% sure were were talking about 1) our humans and 2) Seattle. Lily seemed to know a lot about the Seattle trip (sort of) so I tried to get some info out of her.

ME: Do you know what they were doing in Seattle?
LILY: Yesssss.
ME: Well... what were they doing?
LILY: Shooting dogs!
ME: Our humans. Shooting dogs.
LILY: Yup!

This made no sense at all. Even less sense than the saddle. And the coffee. And something about a cow's belly?? No idea. But Lily said she saw pictures. She knew all about Fiona and Frank + Bean, said there were other pugs too. A lot of other pugs. And our humans shot all of them. And then came home. To us. Like nothing ever happened.

I remember what it was like to be a semi-puppy and know how complicated and confusing the world can be. But Lily said she is "300% positive" our humans met in Seattle when they were shooting dogs.

I've watched enough episodes of that Law & Order show to know that the people you least expect to do the shooting are always guilty of murder. What if my human is keeping the whole Seattle thing a secret from me and Dutch because she's some kind of.... doggie serial killer???