DOES THIS WALL MAKE ME LOOK SKINNY?

So, my human was really early for a doctor appointment the other day and me & Dutch were with her because she forgot we were in the car and taking us home would have made her late instead of early. 

Of course Steve the phone is always with us, so I suggested we kill time by taking pictures of me. Because you can never have enough picture of me, right? 

When my human saw this window thingy, she said yes. We took some pictures. I got a cookie. No big deal. Until she looked at the pictures later on and said the four words every pug wants to hear (I underlined, tilted and bolded them - just in case you're not a pug):

HUMAN: is that a waist?

ME: (silence in case this a trick question)

HUMAN: wow, you look so skinny.

ME: yes, I am skinny. You definitely need to feed me more.

Now, you must *promise* not to tell her or anyone else what I'm about to tell you. Promise? Ok. The truth is, being fatter than the window thing kinda freaked me out because it felt like I might fall off. So I sucked everything in to make myself skinny enough to fit. And that's why I have a waist in the picture.

My human doesn't know this. I'm not telling her and you better not either. Because ever since she saw my waist, there's been a little extra food in my bowl. I'm tying reeeeeally hard to score some bacon before she figures out I'm not really skinny. 

Wish me luck. And baaaacon!

DUTCH FRIDAY: my date with Ernie

Hello again everybody! Today came fast this week, didn't it?? Well, I know Pug already told you about our new neighbor Ernie and how we had our first date. But you can't always believe everything Pug says and here's some of what he didn't tell you. 

#1: Ernie has fabulous taste in toys

Any boy with a leopard spotted rhino and pink pig named Kosher is obviously special. Ernie *really* wanted me to play, but I don't do that until the second date. Instead, I played hard to get and pretended to want a nap.

#2: Ernie is nice and sweet and likes to share
As soon as he figured out I wasn't ready to play, Ernie snuggled up with me for a nap. His bed is big enough for both our butts, but probably not for long. 

 #3: Ernie is a giant 
Now now, but soon. Our human says you can tell by looking at his feet. They're only 12 weeks old and already bigger than mine. 

I wish I could tell you more about Ernie, but his bladder is smaller than his feet so our date didn't last long. I had such a good time, it was almost impossible to leave when it was time to go home. I'm so glad we only live a few houses apart. Hopefully we will have a second date soon!


Pink pigs + leopard rhinos, 

Dutch
xoxo

NASTY SALTY PIG PART

Ok. So, we get to the place with the pig parts. Bacon-a-loni or whatever. And me and Dutch have to wait outside while my human fetches us some pig. She ties us up with a security dude and a lady with a million bikes to give away or something. No idea. I was too busy thinking about tasty salty pig parts to care.

Five minutes go by. No pig. Another five minutes. Ten minutes. Still no pig. Just when I'm starting to get really worried, my human finally shows up with a plate. Apparently miss gimpy brain couldn't find the million bikes she parked us next to.

But whatever. She came back with a plate. Full of pig! Or, uh... 

ME: what part of the pig is THAT?!?
HUMAN: it's salty and tasty, you'll love it.
ME: but it doesn't look anything like bacon.
HUMAN: maybe this is better than bacon.

Of course nothing is better than bacon. But when my human was splitting the mystery thing in half and said "ew, gross" I figured whatever was on that plate must be awesome. Right?

Wrong. So wrong.

nasty! nasty! nasty!

Yes it was salty. But definitely NOT tasty. At all. The thing was slimy and rubbery and snotty and so ridiculously gross, I couldn't get it out of my mouth fast enough. Dutch spit his half out too and kinda freaked out when it got stuck to the bottom of his foot.

The security dude and bike lady thought this was all very funny. So did my human, except I think she felt kinda bad too. She really thought I would love whatever nasty part of the pig was on that plate.

Take it from me, if anyone ever tells you something might be "better than bacon" - don't fall for it. Send the plate back and ask for the real stuff instead. And if you have any idea what nasty salty pig part that is, please let me know!

BEN, JERRY + ALEJANDRO

All that posing with strangers at Fish Wharf made me a little lot hungry. Ok, so maybe I'm always hungry. But I don't always have a good excuse to ask for food and posing for 8 million pictures definitely counts. 

So after I convinced Dutch the cows on the Ben+Jerry building weren't real and wouldn't try to kill him, I asked my human if we could maybe get some ice cream. And she almost actually said yes (!) - except it was too early for ice cream and the Ben+Jerry window wasn't opened yet.

Too early for ice cream? What the?!?!

The best thing about Fish Wharf is there's a food place like every 10 feet. And since my human already said yes to ice cream (!), I figured she might say yes to just about anything. I just had to figure out the best possible thing to ask for. 

That's when I saw this dude on a bike thing giving a ride to one of the people I posed with. I figured he must get hungry riding people around all day so I asked him where I could find the tastiest eatables. 

ALEJANDRO: what you like?

ME: everything.

ALEJANDRO: but what is favorite?

ME: baaacon!

ALEJANDRO: ahhh, you eat Boccalone then!

ME: uhm. I said BA-CON.

At first I thought Alejandro was like that Bachelor dude on TV who speaks other stuff better than english. So I just kept saying BA-CON over and over again, really slow and loud. Then he laughed and said the magic words: pig parts. And not just any pig parts:

Uh huh. Tasty Salted Pig Parts. Forget you, Ben+ Jerry. Alejandro is the man! I'll tell you all about the pig parts tomorrow. Well. Sort of... 

ALMOST WORDLESS: soooo bromantic

Somebody who isn't me fell in love had a date with neighbor Ernie. I'll let that somebody tell you all about it on Friday...


PS: yeah, that's really a puppy foot.