THE TIME I FELL OFF A CLIFF

Ok, so I really wanted to tell you about the cliff today. For one, it's the most exciting thing that happened since my last post last year. Dutch also says it's the perfect metaphor for 2013. 

Huh what? Metaphor? Since when is Dutch the smart one?? 

But before I get to the thing about me and the cliff, there are two or three other things I need to say first... 

Thing #1

When I came back last week, I didn't think anyone would still be here. I mean, it's been sooo long - I wasn't even sure if the internet would still be here. My human said some dude named Al Gore would never let anything like that happen to his baby (no idea) and Dutch thought I was totally dumb for thinking you would leave me. But a lot can change in nearly-an-eternity. Right?

Right.

Wrong. You're still here, awesome as ever. And even though I usually HATE being wrong, being right totally would have sucked. Because even though I hardly ever remember to say it: you make our world a waaay better place and we love all you like bacon. Except for my human who thinks bacon is gross. I guess she loves you like... broccoli? 

Weirdo.

Thing #2

I know the entire planet (including Al Gore and his internet) is wondering what the heck is up with the Other 999 pugs. Rumor has it my human ran off to the Caribbean with everybody's money. I guess that totally could have happened. But trust me, that is sooo not where we've been. 

I'll let my human fill you in on the details, but you pretty much already know most of what you need to know: life doesn't always go as planned and sometimes things can go very wrong. And when it all goes down like a firey plane crash, you just need to do what the airplane lady says and put your own goofy oxygen mask thingy on first because if you stop breathing, you'll be too dead to to do anything else and everyone will end up dying. 

Uhm, metaphorically speaking. Take that, smartypants Dutch!

So yeah. We're all still breathing and the Other 999 is still alive. HAL4 never woke up, but HAL5 is mostly plugged in and as soon as my human untangles all the passwords (and stops swearing at windows 8) an official update will go out to everyone. 

Thing #3

If you live in the middle or on the other coast, don't go licking any flagpoles until the weather gets warmer. No idea why anyone would want to lick a flagpole, but the NPR radioman just told us about some girl in New Hampshire who licked one and "ended up stuck for more than 15 minutes while her parents desperately tried to help her". 

Yikes!

So if it's freezing cold where you are, please be careful and try to stay warm. Maybe ask guilt your human into some extra cookies for making you wear a sweater. Oh, and don't worry about peeing on poles. Pretty sure that's still OK. 

See you tomorrow!