WOOOO HOOOO!

Frank's exact words: WOOOO HOOOOO!

Sorry if I was kinda whiny yesterday. I know life can't be fun all the time, but being bored all the time is getting pretty freaking boring. I mean, even Frank is having more fun than me.

I used to be the fun one. Frank was just cute. But who is that flying through the air in today's picture? Frank. And what was I doing when he was flying? Falling asleep at Home Depot.

And when I asked Frank what it felt like to fly, all he said was WOOOO HOOOO!

WOOOO. HOOOO.

Sigh.

COMA + PUKE = BORING

Wordy Wednesday!

So, HAL4 has been in a coma. We thought this might finally be the Big Sleep but everything turned out to be fix-able. I guess computers can have near death experiences too. I'm not 100% convinced HAL4 will live to see his next birthday (and neither is my human) but I'm just happy to be here. Now. Today.

You'd think I'd have all sorts of stuff to talk about after a week of being gone, but life is still pretty very boring around here so you haven't missed much. Last week I ate a bunch of sticks and puked all over Mazda. That was exciting.

Does not blend.

The other day we went to the library. While my human was inside getting her books, me and Dutch sat outside and watched people read. That was realllly exciting.

Yesterday I fell asleep in Home Depot. I know it looks like I"m Jimmying, but I wasn't. I was asleep. Like, snoring asleep. Told you. Boring. But it's good to be back. Sorry if you're bored now too.

I think that's all. 

Oh. Right. 

Before I go, this is Dutch's Wordy Wednesday:

I tried to tell him Wordy Wednesday is about WORDS but he said it's not Wednesday anymore so hearts are just fine. Uhm. Yeah. Of course they are.

SKINNY TREATS?

So I guess my human felt bad about feeding me a sympathy banana and decided to bring home something actually worth eating. At least that's what I thought when she said she said the magic word.
Then I saw the bag.

ME: it says it's for skinny pets...
DUTCH: that's me!
ME: in skinny PINK letters?
DUTCH: must be for me!

First bananas, now this? Seriously. Not cool, human. Not cool. And I was about to tell her just how not cool she is when Dutch started bragging at me about skinny-ness.

DUTCH: oooooh - even the rice is skinny.
ME: huh?
DUTCH: and famous!
ME: give me that freaking bag.

Dutch was right. Right there on the bag: contains our famous skinny rice. But it also says helps support healthy weight and you know those are just code words for it's ok to eat a lot of them. Even if you're not the skinny one.

Woot!

Sooooo glad I found this out before telling my human how uncool she is. Especially since these turned out to be some of the most eatable treats I've ever tasted in my whole entire life. Like Top 5 best. Ever. Like so good I got in trouble for almost taking off a finger.

Yeah. That good.

The bad news is my human bought these ridiculous treats at some store called TJ Maxx. It's where she buys our poop bags (super cheap!) but it's not a dog store. And they don't always have the same stuff or an internet place to shop in. So I'm not sure if I'll ever see these treats again. Or if you'll be able to see them, ever.

But if you do see Skinny Pet treats, you should absolutely 100% totally buy them. Even if you're not skinny.

WORDY

I wasn't exactly shocked when my human cancelled tonight's Wild Game, after last week's chicken foot incident and everything. I'm still not happy about it though.

ME: but everybody is dying to know about this week's meat!
HUMAN: nobody is dying.
ME: you don't know that.
HUMAN: go ahead, ask Google.

So I asked Google and I guess nobody is actually dying to know about my meat. That we know of. Yet. But that doesn't mean I'm not going to fight for it. Y'know, just in case Google is wrong.

ME: but if we don't have meat, I won't have anything to talk about.
HUMAN: there's more to life than wild meat.
ME: you mean like bacon?
HUMAN: (silent)

After completely ignoring what I said about bacon, my human suggested we do a Wordless Wednesday. It's not the worst idea she's ever had - except half the entire internet goes wordless on Wednesdays and I suck at keeping my snout shut. So I came up with the idea of doing something *with* words instead. Something like Wordy Wednesday.

Genius, right?

That's what I thought too. 

Then I remembered all the words I see walking around our neighborhood. The ones on the ground that make my human smile for no reason. I read them sometimes when there's nothing around to pee on and I guess they are pretty cool.

I miss you too!!

Wordy Wednesday isn't half as cool as wild meat. Or bacon. Or practically any other eatable (except bananas). But it's way waaay better than having to keep your snout shut the whole entire day.

SYMPATHY BANANA?

Well, our trip to Planet Best Buy turned out to be waaaaay more boring than a trip to any planet should be. Dutch fell asleep after the first ten minutes of standing around waiting to talk to someone in a blue shirt. I fell asleep about ten minutes later. My human gave up on the whole thing sometime after that and woke us both up to go home. Droidless.

I wasn't sure if *not* getting a new Droid would help my chances of scoring sympathy cookies on the walk home, or hurt them. You'd think no new Droid = more sympathy = definitely cookies, right? Well, that's what I thought too. Until my human parked us here:

I know a lot of you probably like bananas. Maybe even love them. Not me. Because bananas are mushy and slimy and nasty and gross. Unless they're hidden in bacon and peanut butter. My human totally knows this too. But did that stop her from buying me a banana when what I really wanted was a cookie (or five)?

No. It did not.

I guess she tried to make the whole thing less gross by getting me a special "pug-sized" banana. Uhm. Yeah. Just because you call something pug-sized doesn't make it taste good. A gross banana is still a gross banana no matter how little it is.

Unlike me, Dutch is a freak and thinks bananas are the bomb. His words, not mine. He was so in love with yesterday's banana, he tried to eat it while my human was taking his picture. No joke. He took a great big bite of the thing. Icky peel, mushy banana and everything.

Even my human was a little weirded out when Dutch swallowed the nasty peely thing, but he swears the outside is the best part. I'm not sure I believe him but I guess it doesn't get much grosser than what's on the inside.

RIP DROID

You can probably tell by how un-grey my face is that today's picture is kinda old. Like 3 years ago kinda old. My human took it the last time we had to buy a phone at Planet Best Buy. I'm still practically a puppy, but I guess 3 years is completely ancient for a Droid. And that's probably why Droid didn't want to wake up yesterday. Or today. And is now totally dead.

Yeah. Dead.

I'm kinda sad about all this, but it does mean we get to take a trip to the Planet. And because Droid was so freaking old, my human gets to pick out a brand new one for free so maybe we'll even stop at the dog store on the walk home to buy some sympathy cookies with some of the money she didn't have to spend.

This is definitely a time for sympathy cookies.

Cookies or no cookies, by the time you read this we'll be on our way to meet a new Droid. Or maybe even something that starts with an i and ends in HBO words. Who knows. As long as (whatever) can take pictures of me looking supercute, it really doesn't matter. Does it?

WILL IT BLEND?

So, the chicken foot has not come up or out or me yet. My human is a little worried but I think I'm fine. So fine that I could eat another ten chicken feet. In my sleep. Easy. Especially after asking Google what it means to be a blender.

That's what my human called me. A blender.

It's why I got to eat a bigger chicken foot than Dutch even though he's three times bigger than me. It's also why I'm not worried about swallowing some stupid little foot without chewing - or anything else I can fit in my mouth whole. Because I now know what blenders can do.

Blenders eat feet, no problem:



They can also eat iphones:



Blenders can even eat that Justin kid.



But don't tell Dutch. He's a wuss, not a blender.

THE WHOLE THING

Wild Game Night didn't happen yesterday because my human said there was no way she could eat her meat after touching chicken feet. I wasn't exactly happy about having to wait another 12 hours to eat feet, so I woke my human up extra early this morning.

ME: OH NO! I think Mazda is getting a ticket.
HUMAN: street cleaning isn't until tomorrow Pug. Let me sleep.
ME: but it's also chicken feet time.
HUMAN: (silent, grumpy)

This did not make her happy. But at least she was awake. And when it comes to thumbs, sometimes awake is all that matters. But before we could eat, we had to go for our morning walk. I suggested we bring the feet along and eat them at the park. Y'know, just in case they leave a bloody mess on the kitchen floor. 

Aw, Pug. That's so nice of you, my human said.

Of course I didn't really care about a mess. I just wanted to eat feet ASAP. So we get to the park. My human takes a bunch of stupid pictures, then hands me a foot. I even get the bigger one because Dutch's stomach is wussy and I'm "a blender". Whatever that means.

OK. If you've never eaten a chicken foot before, it's not exactly easy. I gave it a few chews but nothing happened. A few more chews. Nothing. So I did what any pug with half a brain and an empty stomach would do - and swallowed it.

Whole.

Swallowing a chicken foot whole isn't all that much easier than chewing it, but after a few big gulps it was in finally my belly.

Yes, whole.

HUMAN: did you just swallow that WHOLE ENTIRE THING!?
ME: yeah
HUMAN: the WHOLE THING?!?
ME: yeah
HUMAN: WHOLE?!?

I could tell by the way she kept saying WHOLE that I probably shouldn't have swallowed the foot without chewing it first. And I'm pretty sure she will kill me if we end up at the emergency vet 12 hours from now with a whole entire chicken foot stuck in my belly. But for now I'm a pug with a belly full of chicken foot.

Life is good.

DIMPLES AND CHICKEN FEET

I don't think it's fair that Miley got to have fun in Texas when I had to stay home. But I guess she was right about her trip being way more exciting than anything me and Dutch are doing. At least until now.

Because even though my human thought yesterday was Monday, today is Wednesday and you know what Wednesday means.

Wild Game Night!

ME: so, what's on tonight's menu?
HUMAN: dimpled oranges and chicken feet.
ME: they make wild chickens? And oranges?
HUMAN: they sure do.

Normally I'd be mad at my human for trying to sneak a piece of fruit into a night that's supposed to be about meat. But I really like oranges and have never eaten a dimpley one before so I'll let it slide. This time.

I'm not 100% sure the chicken feet are all that wild either. The label says U.S.A but I'm pretty sure chickens in the U.S.A. live on farms. I mean, when's the last time you saw a wild chicken?

Never.

But when your human brings home a package of chicken feet do you care where the feet came from?

Nope.

Will let you know tomorrow how good everything tasted.

HOWDY FROM TEXAS

I know you were expecting to see that other spotted dog here today. The one who likes the kid with the hair. But please don't call me Dutch. Yeah, I'm black + white and think pink is the best color EVER, but he's a boy (sorta) and I'm Miley.

I got to kick Dutch off the blog today for a buncha reasons. One: me and my mom are the ones who make the comments happen. Two: I just sat in the car for DAYS. Three: what I'm about to tell you is way more exciting than anything Dutch and Pug are doing.

Let me tell you, riding in the car for DAYS is not fun. My mom listened to books but who wants to listen to a bunch of stupid books? I mostly slept and stared out the window into space. Lots and lots and lots of space. Sometimes there were signs. California space. Arizona space. Texas space.

FACT: When you're stuck in a car, space is space.

After two days of car hell we stayed in Arizona at my cousins with the pool. The cousin I like is a hairy basset hound - she's the fun one. The other cousin is a golden retriever. She's not-so-fun but my mom said I wasn't allowed to hate on the golden cousin so I didn't.

Alright, I almost didn't. Same thing.

After Arizona came Texas. If you don't know what Texas is, it's crazy hot and looks like this:

I kept asking my mom why we had to go all the way to Texas when my cousins in Arizona have a pool. She kept saying it's a surprise it's a surprise it's a surprise. Ugh. Who wants a surprise when you can be swimming in a pool?

Duh.

I stayed a little mad about Texas until I found out what the surprise was. Make that who it was. Anyone recognize these guys? Don't worry if you don't. Pugs all look the same to me too.

The pug in blue is Arnie. We go way back. I know him from doing agility in California. He's like a nicer, faster version of Puglet. The pink pug is Suki. She's new to me but sometimes new friends feel just like old ones. You know what I mean?

Suki lives in the Texas place we were visiting and Arnie came down from some other Texas place so we could all hang out while our moms ate brunch and margaritas. After brunch it was dog time at the park. My mom brought crack balls for everyone but I thought Arnie's was mine and tried to steal it back (sorry Arnie). Suki wasn't sure what to do with her crack ball, but she will. Crack balls are like that...

Adios!

Miley